Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Blessed Thursday

Oh, how I needed this day.

Cancelled Enterprise night last night. Didn't feel like going for pizza, and Connor managed to sour my mood further. My emotional responses are temporarily off-kilter, due in part to work concerns. Nonetheless, I do get frustrated at the nature of some of my friendships, wherein I am the steady supportive one time and again while the other person enjoys the freedom to be wiggy at will. Sometimes I want that freedom, too. We're all so damnably self-centered, myself included, that friendship is just plain difficult.

I'll not jump immediately to "being the better person," however. Part of "doing the right thing" has resulted in my never asking for anything from anyone else in relationships. That's disrespectful, dishonest, and ultimately destructive. While it may make me seem like a good listener or friend, I make myself unreal. I don't show up. I need to start showing up.

Apartment needs some top-to-bottom cleaning. No pressure, but I would feel better if I made some headway on it, particularly before tonight's Community Group. Someone from upstairs came down last night to introduce himself, ask some computer questions, and compliment me on my apartment. He'd done some interior design work in San Francisco (I couldn't manufacture a better cliché if I tried), so I did feel complmented. I'll feel better if I can just keep the place clean.

My objective today, however, is rest. Productivity can come if it comes, but only if it is restful to me. Tomorrow may be hard.

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