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Sustainable resources

I covet (yes, the sin) downtime. I don't use it well when I have it, and I often don't even need it, but I crave it, hoard it, and resent its absence. It comes of some deep fear of being drained or used up. Psychology might tell me to explore that fear, to figure out the whys and hows, but perhaps that's not what I'm called to, at least for now. Instead, I want to cling to the promise that God will sustain me, and in so doing, learn how to be sustained. I'm countless steps into a deep hole, yet if the gospel is true, the way back may require but a single step back. Even that step is a gift.

Yesterday was Walter's parole release party. He's one of the most amazing examples of God's grace I personally know-- because of the gospel, the old man has truly given way to the new. The celebration was a fondue affair (not quite as wild as people expect when they hear "parole release party") and Tom and Suzanne both did the swing-by, which was very nice.

Agenda of the day is church and service coordination until 1 or so, Stephen Ministry class at 6:30, and some office and prep time between the two. Laundry when I get home in the evening, or in the afternoon is the timing is right. Funny how just a few things can fill a day, but I find that trying to stuff more and more into the cracks makes me quite mad.

Need to cut some things out of my life. That'll take more strength and heart than I've got.

Comments

I feel the same way--I actually covet sleep, to the point that when someone journals about napping, I get mildly jealous.

Rather than feeling bad about it, we should take it as a sign that we really do need to do some life repair work, to rest more than we are, however that might be accomplished.