Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Guilt (Catholic and non)

Still trying to decide whether to take the holiday off. I'm about 80% sure I'm going to; just struggling with guilt and people-pleasing if other staff are going in. I have trouble with the drivenness some of my co-workers have and impose, probably without even realizing it. One of the reasons I struggle with their drivenness is that I have more than enough of my own without being tugged on, yet I still feel that tug and often respond to it (either complying or rebelling). Last night I went to the office early (before Stephen Ministry class) and did a number of the tasks on my Monday to-do list so that my decision would be less motivated by guilt.

A Jesuit from SU just walked in. I still like most of them, with one exception. Sometimes I'm still sorry it didn't work out for me there. I tend to be sorry about most things that don't work out. Last night I dreamed about going back to Central and making things right. Hard to say how, since (as in most cases) I'm not sure just what went wrong.

Redemption is a mystery and a grace.
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