Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

Losses and messes

Hasn't been the easiest past couple of weeks. Nothing awful in the scheme of things; just a steady stream of losses and messes, departures and FUBAR situations to adapt to and/or correct as best I can. On the surface, nearly none of these have been the result of my choices, nor have they been personal. The latter quality, however, has an often-unrecognized cutting edge—sometimes I wish relationship would affect choices more than it does, and it's sad and/or frustrating when that seems less of a factor than I'd like.

Losses and messes. Saying good-bye and cleaning up. Can't recall a day in the past couple of weeks when one or both of these weren't dominant themes, and I'm having a tough time with it. On the other hand, none of us has been promised anything else, and I can hardly count myself among either the persecuted or the suffering. Feeling sorry for myself just has rotten results, which isn't something I or anyone around me needs. "Weary" is a more apt description. And I don't like not being strong or gracious enough to absorb or deflect it all in stride.

I'm thankful to follow a King who invites the weary and heavy-laden to come to Him for rest—I guess I just don't want to be this weary and heavy-laden. But I am. And I don't know what rest looks like from the losses and messes. He's going to have to show me.
Tags: life, relationships, rest, struggle, the gospel
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