Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

"Keeping up"

Yesterday was crazy full of appointments and bus rides in between, so I'm thankful to have the decks mostly clear for today.

"Keeping up" is a tyrant. Almost everything that gives me anxiety is some form of "keeping up" that I'm either trying or failing to do. It's everywhere, in every waking moment and many of the sleeping ones. Perhaps the worst part is that much of it is just plain garbage, and much of that is stuff that I've invited in myself. The limiting resource for almost everything in my life is me, and I constantly try to live as if that's not true, often for no good reason. Honestly, it's in every nook and cranny of my life.

There has to be a better way. Has to be. And while I'd love for that to take the form of some kind of "once and for all" change, it's most likely a daily struggle to wake up to and entrust to God, over and over again. He's the limitless one, not me.
Tags: god, struggle, the gospel

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