Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Cycles of broken friendship

All of this has happened before, and all of this will happen again.

Battlestar Galactica

Friendships have been a real struggle for barlow_girl and me, and my previous history is littered with broken and abandoned remnants as well. We've had the standard Goldilocks-style difficulties: too much, not enough, and so on. Beyond that, though, friendships just seem to wear out and wear us out. Having responsibilities within the church is sometimes part of the dynamic—leadership and friendship often have incompatibilities in how people relate to us, and even when we try to steer around it, we wind up in an uncomfortable bog. At worst, we're held responsible for others' expectations (of the church and even the world rather than of us as people) but aren't allowed to have any expectations of others whatsoever. It sucks.

We want friends who get us, who show up because they want to, who extend us grace, and who we can count on. And we're blessed to have parts of that in a few places. We also know lots of people appreciate us, but whatever they happen to want almost always trumps that—we're often not considered as people when push comes to shove. I've seen leaders get burnt by friendships and respond by not serving anyone, withdrawing to tiny islands of self-involvement, and that's a steaming pile of gospel-denying crap. But I understand the temptation.

We love our friends, but we're tired of cycle of things breaking, over and over. I'm so thankful for what we do have, but I'm scared of putting any weight on it at all anymore.
Tags: friends, relationships, struggle, the church
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