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Monday

Inevitability is best represented by a Monday.

Last night I had trouble sleeping. I dreamed of shaving, of Tommy's retreat site, and of Jodi-- the first two are portents of today, the last an echo of those long gone. I do miss her, every day.

The goatee is back, by the way. Shave my head and call me badass.

My soul is sick-- jumbled, hollow, and lost. Needing a long sit-down with God, and the discipline or desperation to do so. In every action I'm mired in futility and frustration, in inaction I'm dead. I am, no doubt, expecting too much from life before 7:00 am. It's good to know myself: if I don't take a nap before work, I'll be hating life and everything/one in it all day.

Someone on LJ made me think: Jesus should be my first love, but He isn't. A wonderful, terrible thing to know my need. I'm limited in my ability to change my own heart. "I believe, help my unbelief." Hope is here.

Comments

Use this Advent season as the opportunity it is. I'll help you any way I can.
Do you think it's possible to ever stop missing those ghosts in our lives?

I doubt it-- I live a haunted life and I don't know any other way. Sometimes it's comforting.

Re:

*hugs*
Hi, thanks for adding me to your friends list. I have added you in return.

If you'd like access to the test/quizzes/polls friends group, please feel free to ask and I shall add you =)

~nathanr~
Hey, lovey, please email me--I'd like to send you a Christmas card.