Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

  • Mood:

Monday

Inevitability is best represented by a Monday.

Last night I had trouble sleeping. I dreamed of shaving, of Tommy's retreat site, and of Jodi-- the first two are portents of today, the last an echo of those long gone. I do miss her, every day.

The goatee is back, by the way. Shave my head and call me badass.

My soul is sick-- jumbled, hollow, and lost. Needing a long sit-down with God, and the discipline or desperation to do so. In every action I'm mired in futility and frustration, in inaction I'm dead. I am, no doubt, expecting too much from life before 7:00 am. It's good to know myself: if I don't take a nap before work, I'll be hating life and everything/one in it all day.

Someone on LJ made me think: Jesus should be my first love, but He isn't. A wonderful, terrible thing to know my need. I'm limited in my ability to change my own heart. "I believe, help my unbelief." Hope is here.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 6 comments