Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

  • Mood:

Showing up

Early mornings (can) rule. Already at Irwin's enjoying a warm apple scone (missing it was one of the few drawbacks of being away Saturday), sitting outside because the pizza-cooking smell is too overwhelming indoors. The sun is rising over 40th, which has me squinting a bit but not uncomfortably so. There's ample road noise from morning commuters, which could either be an annoyance or an accepted soundtrack of living in this beautiful city. This morning I choose the latter.

Continuing to grapple with engaging the people and things that are important to me. It's interesting and more than a little scary to realize how regularly and automatically I run from that. It's a "path of least resistance" sort of thing that's become second nature (if it wasn't already my first nature, which is entirely possible). As much as I love being the idea of being done, the concept of being present is far more important. It may seem silly, but I have to keep reminding myself of three truths:
  • God wants me to show up.
  • Other people want me to show up.
  • I want to show up.
Absence is something I absolutely hate, and yet it's too easily and too often my own default. Doesn't take a psychotherapist to see there's a connection, and I don't need to figure it out so much as I simply need to learn to walk faithfully.
Tags: faith, relationships, seattle, struggle
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