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Irwin's

Showing up

Early mornings (can) rule. Already at Irwin's enjoying a warm apple scone (missing it was one of the few drawbacks of being away Saturday), sitting outside because the pizza-cooking smell is too overwhelming indoors. The sun is rising over 40th, which has me squinting a bit but not uncomfortably so. There's ample road noise from morning commuters, which could either be an annoyance or an accepted soundtrack of living in this beautiful city. This morning I choose the latter.

Continuing to grapple with engaging the people and things that are important to me. It's interesting and more than a little scary to realize how regularly and automatically I run from that. It's a "path of least resistance" sort of thing that's become second nature (if it wasn't already my first nature, which is entirely possible). As much as I love being the idea of being done, the concept of being present is far more important. It may seem silly, but I have to keep reminding myself of three truths:
  • God wants me to show up.
  • Other people want me to show up.
  • I want to show up.
Absence is something I absolutely hate, and yet it's too easily and too often my own default. Doesn't take a psychotherapist to see there's a connection, and I don't need to figure it out so much as I simply need to learn to walk faithfully.

Comments

this is something randy really struggles with. it can even be something that then has impact on our marriage, so it's something he has to be consistent about working on. it's absolutely his natural leaning (for a variety of reasons), but he is waaaaaay better about it than he was when we were first married.

keep doing the hard work, it's worth it. :)
I'm thankful to have my eyes opened a bit to it (God is often very merciful in what He shows us and what He doesn't, especially in regard to our own sin and brokenness—it'd be crushing to see it all at once).

It's also good to be able to temper that conviction with the reality that I am an introvert and it's OK for me to be recharged in solitude. There's a difference between that reality and running from engagement, though, and I don't want to let the pendulum swing too far in the latter direction without my even realizing it.
There's ample road noise from morning commuters, which could either be an annoyance or an accepted soundtrack of living in this beautiful city. This morning I choose the latter.

A good choice. I live just a few feet from a very busy road during the commuting hours, and this is a choice I'm still learning to make. :-)
I'm not sure it'd be so easy to make that choice at home, daily!
My best strategy so far is to pretend that it's waves crashing on the shore of a tranquil ocean. :-)
That's a constant struggle for me, as well. I have never been good at being consistent with anything. In the last few years I have been trying to be better in certain areas of my life. After all, Olivia is getting older and I truly want her to have a good role model as a woman of Christ. As wonderful as Christ's love is, we seem to still think that we know best at times. We really are silly humans...This is why I accept each new day as it is. A new day of service, in whatever capacity. I'm trying to incorporate this in my career especially. As a nurse I have several opportunities to share without crossing that proverbial line. I have just started realizing this. Again, silly humans...
I hear you—for me, it's often one of those "three steps forward, two steps back" kind of pursuits, but I'm glad God's grace allows me to step at all.