Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

  • Mood:

Showing up

Early mornings (can) rule. Already at Irwin's enjoying a warm apple scone (missing it was one of the few drawbacks of being away Saturday), sitting outside because the pizza-cooking smell is too overwhelming indoors. The sun is rising over 40th, which has me squinting a bit but not uncomfortably so. There's ample road noise from morning commuters, which could either be an annoyance or an accepted soundtrack of living in this beautiful city. This morning I choose the latter.

Continuing to grapple with engaging the people and things that are important to me. It's interesting and more than a little scary to realize how regularly and automatically I run from that. It's a "path of least resistance" sort of thing that's become second nature (if it wasn't already my first nature, which is entirely possible). As much as I love being the idea of being done, the concept of being present is far more important. It may seem silly, but I have to keep reminding myself of three truths:
  • God wants me to show up.
  • Other people want me to show up.
  • I want to show up.
Absence is something I absolutely hate, and yet it's too easily and too often my own default. Doesn't take a psychotherapist to see there's a connection, and I don't need to figure it out so much as I simply need to learn to walk faithfully.
Tags: faith, relationships, seattle, struggle
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 7 comments