Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

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The very heart

In serving each other, we become free.

First Knight

Pressed to consider service from new angles recently. My job is being expanded/retooled to include coordinating our service in the city of Seattle—getting people connected and involved, developing relationships with service agencies, and creating a context for understanding service through the lens of the gospel. It's tremendously exciting and I love having the opportunity to face new challenges that are closer to my skill set.

Where those new angles particularly come in, however, is in my own life, personally and professionally. What does it look like to intentionally accept a low seat at the table? Or sometimes even no seat at all—just cleaning up the table after others have used it? Theoretically, there's a humble nobility in this. Practically, it feels uncomfortable. There's lots of language I could invoke to make me feel more justified in my discomfort, words like "passion," "leadership," "gifting," and so on. Such concepts shouldn't be dismissed, but they may not really get me off the hook. In the mixed bag that is my soul, there's plenty of pride, envy, greed, insecurity, and the like, all equally suspect for my unsettledness with that low seat.

Knowing this, my sense of justice and equity is best applied to advocacy for others, not myself. I have to trust someone else to be my Savior, and I have to trust that however He does this is for my good and the good of His Kingdom.

What does it mean to be faithful? I'm still trying to learn (while my flesh is still trying not to learn), and being uncomfortable doesn't necessarily mean I'm anywhere other than where God wants me to be. Do I honestly believe the truths I profess? Do I believe them deeply enough to keep wrapping a towel around my waist, regardless of anything around me? What if the only growth I can freely pursue in this season is that of simple, humble obedience? Will that be enough?
Tags: belief, faith, life, movies, quotes, struggle, the gospel, work
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