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Forced and futile

Been sitting here for some time puzzling how to put words to my tiredness. Not really getting any farther, so I'm just throwing it out there.

Whether it's good stuff, bad stuff, family stuff, or friend stuff, nearly everything social or relational feels forced on some level. There's not much that just works. Of course, that's simply the way of things, particularly under The Curse. But whether I've any right to expect or hope for anything different, the effort just has me tired. Like anyone else, I suppose, I don't like the feeling of pouring myself down the drain for no clear reason—if it's futile, I'd rather not bother.

The gospel says something else is true, about both relationships and struggle. Sometimes it's just not an easy thing for me to believe.


I hope this feeling has passed by now. (If it hasn't, I hope you've talked to someone about it by now!)