Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Focus and the curse

Trying a new LJ theme—like it, but wish I knew how to change the font sizes, as I'm not sure they'll work well for me long-term.

This week I've been longing for focus. As natural law mandates, everything tends to chaos, and in many respects, I don't mind because of the way that brings opportunities, surprises, and a way to express God's image by engaging and creatively shaping that chaos. However, there's no denying the curse and its effects. Thus, it seems like every time try I lay hold of something, it squishes or oozes or crumbles or breaks or otherwise becomes messier. And when I try to narrow things down and move forward, they tend to pull back and push out. Decisions become negotiations (or re-negotiations), options multiply exponentially, and soon I can't figure out which way is up, where I'm going, or how it got this way.

All I can do is try to be faithful, and that's one of the things I do sporadically at best and poorly on the whole. Thankfully, there are new mercies each morning, even when they're sometimes buried in the muck and take some searching to find. Almost needless to say, it's good to have reached the weekend. Perhaps I'll focus within the walls of my apartment for today. Further, maybe I'll be still enough to hear my heart and the God who woos and shapes it. I need that.
Tags: livejournal, struggle

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