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Moody

Rest and re-creation

Want to find a way to shake off this feeling of being run into the ground. Sure, my schedule's been full, but realistically, that's just the way things are and are going to be. And it feels like I'm always whining about it, if not externally then internally. Fact is, a lot of people manage a lot more than I do all the time.

Worse, sometimes I get so tapped out that when I do get some downtime, I shut down without doing anything refreshing or making any headway in keeping up with life's everyday chores. It's gross, and I don't want to become like my father, who will just sit and sit and sit to the detriment of everything and everyone in his life (including himself).

Perhaps the biggest front of the battle is internal. My default mode is to try to get out of things rather than to engage them. Tasks are problems to be solved so that they'll go away and let me be; sometimes people are, too. Doesn't seem like a healthy way to approach the world, and it's not something I'm excited to bring into a marriage.

All that said, I also don't want to give any of that more power than it really has. Just writing it out and naming it is a real load off my chest. Sometimes the answers are found in thinking differently, sometimes in doing differently. Also, it's important to constantly recognize that I'm a man in need of salvation. That, by definition, comes from outside myself. This clay needs shaping.

And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
I did not make it, no it is making me
I said I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man

—Rich Mullins, Creed

Comments

I ♥ Rich Mullins. But you more. And you're not the only one who could use some shaping. I'm praying our marriage will be a vehicle for that, and draw us each closer to naming and embracing the Truth.
I love you, too.
I find Americans are terribly obsessed with 'busy-ness'. They seem to be almost afraid to stop and link being busy to status. It's almost as though if you're not doing something all the time then you can't be very important.

Having just come back from Mission Beach where the people make the Lotus Eaters look motivated, I have a new insight into a slower pace. Those people looked fit, healthy, attractive and immensely relaxed. I very much envied them.

I tend to over-schedule myself so I don't have too much time to think and get depressed. In that way, it serves almost as an addiction - a way to forget. Being sick forced me to slow down but now that I have a drug that reduces the fatigue, I'm right back to running in circles again.

The busy-ness obsession is crazymaking. Maybe I need to go to Mission Beach. Even so, I feel silly for whining about being tapped out when there are those (like you) who have legitimate and significant limitations on their energy, etc. What the heck is my problem? Maybe I just need to get over myself.
Or maybe you just need a rest, and more space and time to yourself to experience some peace.
I, too, have trouble just stopping to listen to God. Even in my quiet time, I feel like I have to be writing out my prayers, reading the Word or some Christian book, or singing. It's hard for me to just sit back and listen to God.

(Anonymous)

Well, as Joyce Meyer once said, you don't have to worry about missing God - He'll find you! LOL. There have been times when I wasn't listening and God made me.
Yeah, but it's a much better experience when you're listening for God already! lol
RM+Creed=*big thumbsup*

Love that song.
Heh, that's one thing I've noticed about myself lately, too. I'm overbusy and constantly stressed about my bulging to-do list, and I have this illusion that as soon as I get over this present hump, things will be less busy. Of course, it never happens; you'd think I'd be better at pattern recognition. I need to learn to have a better attitude (and a more realistic commitment list).
It's funny—lunasparrow commented, and she's one of the people whose lives makes me feel like a weenie for whining about feeling drained. You're another—your activities recaps make me wonder how in the world you do it all. I'd probably be tired if I fit your daily activities in a week.
Tasks are problems to be solved so that they'll go away and let me be; sometimes people are, too.

I really relate to this. :|