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Mulder

Question on deserving

What have you told yourself you deserve that's actually a gift?
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In my life: Too many things to count.
In this year: My current job.
In the last five minutes: Another piece of Halloween candy.
Since life itself is a gift, it would seem that everything I think I deserve is, by extension, a gift as well . . .
My flaws, weaknesses and problems.

(Anonymous)

Justice

Interesting question. A few weeks ago my community group addressed the question "when have you been a recipient of unexpected justice and how did it affect you?"

Answer: None of us had received "unexpected justice" because we all expect justice, and freak out when we are not treated justly.

Do we deserve to be treated justly?

Nikki V.
deserve: to merit, to be worthy of, to be qualified for--from the Latin "deservire"--to devote oneself to the service of, to serve zealously.

I'm not quite clear yet on how the english meaning comes from the latin one. But it's slowly coming to me.

My immediate reaction to this post provides yet more amazing evidence of the very very deep groove in my brain which is devoted to the service of self condemnation. "oh my god", I thought, "I'm so evil--I totally take all these beautiful people and things for granted. I totally act like I deserve them when really it's all totally totally totally totally gift (for a completely *^#@'d up loser like me, of course, *all* good things *must* be pure gift)" etc. etc. This is my default modality for thinking about Benjamin. I'm no longer convinced it is healthy. Maybe it means I should just be more grateful, or maybe it means that I *do* "deserve" ... justice, for intance (in the good sense) (see, I had to put "in the good sense" because I assume that justice for me means getting punished--there I go again...)
My health.
I don't deserve much... if anything. I'm selfish and lazy. But what popped into mind was when Jeff gave me a gift for working hard and completing that INSANELY long list of "thinks to do". I didn't DESERVE a gift in the since of EXPECTATION. But I wouldn't say it was UNDESERVED since he was rewarding what he thought DESERVED a reward. But that may not be what you're getting at. :D