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The weakness of my frame

mood: uncomfortable uncomfortable
Threw my back out in a particularly nasty way this morning while adjusting my shoulder bag. There's pain across my shoulder blades and it hurts more to raise my arms or even inhale deeply. This too shall pass; it's just not fun in the meantime.

Thanks to friends near and far for all the warm congratulations on my engagement to/with barlow_girl. Hard to believe it hasn't even been a week yet! The joy definitely multiplies with others.

Besides the former and in addition to the latter, it feels like a few things in my life have gotten on track this week. Not effortlessly, but I don't mind, because some things in me needed and continue to need change and growth. A life of service requires constant redirection of a flesh that does not want to serve. It's been good to see when I'm at the beginning of a process and to be patient as it runs its course instead of just responding to my initial impulses. That gives me the freedom to feel what I'm feeling and still move forward in faith and hope, or even to cry out to God where I am lacking in these. Holding my tongue with others also proves a good discipline (and one in which I am often weak). I can't listen for God if I'm just acting out of impulse all the time, nor can I experience His comfort. I cannot trust God if I cannot wait on Him. Sometimes there is strength in waiting.
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Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 at 09:44 am | | Communicate | 25 communications |

Comments

ex_shemaiah

That last paragraph was good for me to read. I have so much to learn. I have a feeling I will be entering major learning zone quite soon.
Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 04:47 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

It's funny—as I finished writing that paragraph, I realized that what I've been learning is very much a counterpoint to some of the "act in faith" stuff we were talking about in this week's CG. Not that I think they're incompatible; we should be able to both wait in faith and act in faith. It's just interesting to see God teaching me the other side of the coin in other parts of my life this week.
Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 04:50 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

ex_shemaiah

Yes, but we touched on that too. Learning to wait on God. :)
Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 04:56 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

banzai

I think we had enough sugar to touch on just about everything!
Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 04:57 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

barlow_girl

I'm sorry about your back. :o[ I think Jo knows a good medicine man for those type of things. ;o]

There IS strength in waiting. I love to see this in you. I can trust you because I know you're trusting God. And I'm learning to, too. :D
Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 05:11 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

I waved at Jo from the window of Irwin's this morning, as she walked a gargantuan mop of a dog.

We'll learn together.
Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 05:25 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

aloudallowed

That brought a tear to my eye! Congratulations you two!
Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 05:29 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

banzai

Thank you! Regrettably, I think the tears in my eyes may be from the pain my back. But I'm a big wuss.
Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 05:32 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

barlow_girl

i thought i heard Fergie up there this morning!

that sounds like a plan. :o]
Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 05:32 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

prester_scott

Best wishes to you both, of course, from me too. I just didn't feel like being the 324976245th person to say the same thing at the same time. I'm funny that way.
Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 05:34 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

Thank you, and very much understood. Entries like that one remind me why I hate the comment nesting/hiding limit on LJ, too.
Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 05:36 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

christianlady

Wow, that's great news.

Now comes the fun part, planning a wedding and building a marriage. I recall our engagement and it was a fun time. I do have to say, since we've been married 12 years that it gets even better. Sure, I would love to have my 24 year old body back, but I like our relationship better now. I also love the kids we have and love the life we've built.

Posted on Oct. 27th, 2006 08:43 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

Re: Wow, that's great news.

We're much more excited about the marriage than the wedding (which will, of course, also be good, but it's not our goal). Thank you!
Posted on Oct. 28th, 2006 04:50 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

lunasparrow

Yeah, interesting. I know just what you mean. These days I'm less inclined to panic, and to try and get off God's track when things get hard.

I am also now in a place where I can just sit with my feelings when they are negative rather than twisting like a fish on a hook to get away from them.

I'm far more patient with myself, my circumstances and with others than I used to be. I don't feel so defensive or self-righteous, I think. I also give myself permission to let go of toxic relationships which helps a lot too.

I think God has used the difficulties of the past few years to make my life easier within myself. It's funny how we want God to change our circumstances but what He does is change us.
Posted on Oct. 28th, 2006 01:42 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

Totally agreed. Thank God (literally).
Posted on Oct. 28th, 2006 04:47 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

thinhorizon

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

That's awesome.
Posted on Oct. 28th, 2006 12:40 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

Thank you!
Posted on Oct. 28th, 2006 04:46 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

diegeiro

Congrats!

Congrats on getting engaged!
Posted on Oct. 28th, 2006 11:57 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

Re: Congrats!

Thank you! You reappeared at just the right time.
Posted on Oct. 28th, 2006 11:58 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

diegeiro

Re: Congrats!

True. True. Trying to think of sage advice...She should read "Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband", you just remember to cherish her when you are sure she is wrong. Every single time you think she is wrong go buy her flowers. It might change her heart, but more likely it will change yours. Right and wrong will kill you quicker than anything. Sadly I know.
Posted on Oct. 30th, 2006 02:45 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

pinkroo

I figured it was coming, nice to read that it did! All happiness to you both~

And I needed to hear this: I cannot trust God if I cannot wait on Him.
Posted on Oct. 29th, 2006 06:08 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

Thank you! I'm just now getting to some of the comments, LJ slacker that I am.
Posted on Nov. 6th, 2006 10:40 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

itspoetry

engaged!?

ahhh! mazel tov! i had no idea. i'm in egypt.
so as they say here, mubrook!
congratulations. that's beyond awesome. :)
Posted on Nov. 1st, 2006 08:55 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

Re: engaged!?

Thank you—you're the first to say "mubrook" to us!
Posted on Nov. 6th, 2006 10:41 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

(Anonymous)

Re: engaged!?

cool. but i guess that means i wasn't the first to say "mazel tov". bummer.
Posted on Nov. 8th, 2006 07:50 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply