?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Radioactive

Vocation, vocation, vocation

Though I can be plenty lazy, I try not to consider myself above any task or service. That's been a major part of the last five years vocationally. I make copies, keep schedules, answer phones, sort mail, set up, clean up and am basically responsible for anything no one else wants to do that still needs doing. I keep things running (hopefully) smoothly and free up others to do what they're called to do. I'm the front line of defense for external and internal interruptions. I'm expected to respond to whatever comes my way, often at the cost of whatever I was working on before it came along.

I'd be a huge liar to pretend this kind of vocation isn't an ongoing struggle for me. I ended my last career as head of a university department; now I'm secretary, receptionist, bookkeeper, volunteer coordinator, publication specialist, IT manager, and anything else. Most of what I do isn't my "primary gift" (whatever that really means—I think we often use this kind of terminology to validate our own wants), but I can do it competently, no one else is doing it, and it's necessary and good work. I work with amazing people for the very best purpose, I have a ton of autonomy, and the work God is doing on me in the process is also vital. I don't want to push off responsibility, growth, and service because it's sometimes uncomfortable or "not my passion." It's work, and it needs to be done. While some of it may not seem easier now than it was when I began, when I step back, I can see that He has grown me—the very fact that I've stayed the course instead of bailing is confirmation in itself. And truthfully, much has changed, both in the job and in me.

All that said, last night I got a taste of doing something vocationally that felt like me again, for the first time in at least five years. And I really want to pursue it (ideally in the context of my current position), but I'm not sure if that's possible or best. Hope can be a disorienting thing.

Comments

...my aim in living is to unite
my advocation and my vocation
as two eyes make one in sight
only where lone and need are one
and work is play for mortal stakes
is the deed ever really done
for Heaven, and the future's sake

-Robert Frost


or something along those lines. I mighta butchered it. But either way, there's some wisdom in there.
and that oughta read "LOVE and need". oops.
Great food for thought. Thanks, brother.
Do we get to know what it was? Or would that ruin the surprise for your coworkers when you quit to become a circus acrobat?
Shhh...not so loud about the plan!

(Really, I just didn't want to be publicly specific about some of the logistic related to work until a bit further down the road.)
No prob, I just felt left hanging and I was wondering if that was intentional or not.
Yeah, the public aspect makes things a little stilted sometimes (sorry about that). I'll update if anything progresses and appreciate your prayers.
hmmm... this is convicting? no... ummm... maybe what i've been thinking about lately in terms of what i should be "when i grow up".

part of me says - yes, finding what you're most gifted at and only doing that is sometimes a way that people find to validate themselves and it may have little to do with really being available and used of the Lord.
on the other hand... hmmm... i'm still thinking about this.
I'm right there with you.

definitely

I have the same struggles.. I'm realizing that this is the hard part of work, when something needs to get done and I realize that I could do it quickly... so I do... and the next time it needs to get done they call ME directly.
and they expect it to get done, b/c I did it, so it must be MY job...
and they don't say 'thank you'

So I have some things to work out ;-)

I love it when stuff that you actually LIKE to do you get to do at work.
Unfortunately, that's few and far between...

Re: definitely

I'm blessed to have so much I like about work, but getting a taste of more put me a bit off kilter. Which is probably good.

You summed up the work/responsibility struggle to a T.
Pray about it. It may be His will, and that'd be so sweet.
Indeed. And prayer's the thing, no matter what. Whatever His will is really will be sweet, even if it takes a while for Him to give me the eyes to see it that way (as it truly is).

the showstopper ;o]

you are so wonderful. i'm very proud of you and am, of course, praying for you in this.

Re: the showstopper ;o]

Sweetheart. Thank you.
Yeah, I'm just getting back into doing some Comms and Design work after doing clerical drudge for about 2 years. I'm surprised how much I'm enjoying it and looking forward to more. Like you, I have to keep reminding myself that what I'm doing is honourable and worthwhile and that values-wise, it doesn't make me uncomfortable (for once). Particularly when the drudgery and the memory of what I used to do (and earn!) really gets me down.