Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

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Vocation, vocation, vocation

Though I can be plenty lazy, I try not to consider myself above any task or service. That's been a major part of the last five years vocationally. I make copies, keep schedules, answer phones, sort mail, set up, clean up and am basically responsible for anything no one else wants to do that still needs doing. I keep things running (hopefully) smoothly and free up others to do what they're called to do. I'm the front line of defense for external and internal interruptions. I'm expected to respond to whatever comes my way, often at the cost of whatever I was working on before it came along.

I'd be a huge liar to pretend this kind of vocation isn't an ongoing struggle for me. I ended my last career as head of a university department; now I'm secretary, receptionist, bookkeeper, volunteer coordinator, publication specialist, IT manager, and anything else. Most of what I do isn't my "primary gift" (whatever that really means—I think we often use this kind of terminology to validate our own wants), but I can do it competently, no one else is doing it, and it's necessary and good work. I work with amazing people for the very best purpose, I have a ton of autonomy, and the work God is doing on me in the process is also vital. I don't want to push off responsibility, growth, and service because it's sometimes uncomfortable or "not my passion." It's work, and it needs to be done. While some of it may not seem easier now than it was when I began, when I step back, I can see that He has grown me—the very fact that I've stayed the course instead of bailing is confirmation in itself. And truthfully, much has changed, both in the job and in me.

All that said, last night I got a taste of doing something vocationally that felt like me again, for the first time in at least five years. And I really want to pursue it (ideally in the context of my current position), but I'm not sure if that's possible or best. Hope can be a disorienting thing.
Tags: hope, struggle, work
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