Been feeling spurred on to crank things up a notch in work and life. That's an odd combination with feeling tired much of the time; it's going to take a strength beyond my own. But if the call to a more engaged life isn't also coming from outside myself, there isn't much point. The strength for the call will have to come from the One who calls (or not at all). Isn't that the way we're supposed to live?
What do I mean by "a more engaged life"? I'm not entirely sure. Maybe it's best described in contrast to how I've been feeling for a while. I've been very busy, but fading in and out, often not really feeling present with others or in my life and work. My mind and heart have been poor at remembering—I regularly forget everything from details of conversations to deeper truths of who I am in Christ. Mostly, I'm just not "tracking" a lot of the time. I experience life as a series of disconnected diversions.
As I said, whatever I hope to see happen is not likely to be accomplished simply by force of will. That's good, because that kind of "change" is limited. And yet, my will needs to be aligned with whatever God wants to do in my life, and I need to be listening for what He has to say about that. Thankfully, God's will for the Christian is not so mysterious as it is often made out to be. He's revealed so much that it just doesn't make sense to ignore all that in a search for esoteric knowledge. Our faith is based on resurrection life—His and ours in Him. That's a life of flesh and bone, an earthy, grounded spirituality with no upward or outward limit.
Further up and further in...