Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

  • Mood:

Not so devotional

So I've been up since 5:00 with little discernible result. My desktop computer is temperamental (it's vintage 1997, so that's no surprise), I'm both distractible and stubborn, and I'm so far out of the groove of devotional time that I have nothing to settle into. That said, it's still a start, and that's what I need if I'm going to build any sort of habit or discipline.

Part of my problem is that I seem to be searching for some kind of devotional curriculum or experience, yet also retain considerable skepticism about programs I come across—too much of this, not enough of that. I'm dissatisfied with milk but not expressing the maturity for meat. And I'm probably trying to substitute head-work for heart-work—something I can control versus something I must learn to wait for in hope while doing the things I can.
Tags: struggle
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