Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

  • Mood:

What's missing

Feeling better but not well yet. Pretty standard cold symptoms; the tiredness is what's getting to me most. That said, I'm thankful for sporadic periods of productivity at the office. Hopefully that'll push me through the week so I can find myself in the midst of time off once my head clears.

My disposition has been a bit dark, which I'm also hoping will clear when this illness passes. Not much in the way of emotion other than a persistent low-level impatience. All the little ideosyncracies that form the spice of relational life are largely just annoying right now. Tired of learned helplessness, of insecurity masquerading behind pretense, of incompetence and irresponsibility, of plain cowardice and plainer stupidity. It's just too much, and it sure seems like it would help a lot if we all just sucked it up and faced our own stuff.

Yet I know this isn't the mind of Christ, or the compassion of His heart. That's what I'm missing.
Tags: struggle
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