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Left work early yesterday. Taking a little time off has been encouraged, and that's more feasible in bits and pieces right now. Yesterday afternoon I simply reached the end of my daily rope: wasn't thinking clearly or focused, was getting bogged in the little frustrations, all that. I crashed soon after I got home and woke up at 8:00 pm-- extra time gone. So I missed/skipped Community Group (which started at 7:00 pm), but at least I scheduled lunch w/ Nate for today (and told him I might not make CG, because at the time I thought I might work late).

Somehow, it'll all come together. I try to remind myself that God is sovereign, and that none of the details I'm fretting are a big deal in the big picture of what God is doing here.

I already hate this entry for its whininess and failure to capture what I'm feeling. I hate myself for the same reasons. I feel angry, tired, frustrated, depressed, overwhelmed, pressured, rushed. I want people to listen, think, plan, pay attention, understand, get to work, shut up, trust me, and/or leave me alone. I want things to work and to be quiet. I don't want to answer questions, especially if the person asking could just find or decide the answer themselves. I want phone and e-mail disconnected.

Nice attitude. Even better for a Christian, and better still for a church employee. I'm ashamed to be wrapped up in my own pity-party and temper tantrum. This is the storm inside me. It needs to be calmed or to pass.


What can I do to support you?
Just stay sweet and remember as you pray. It's a heartsickness and there's one Physician for that. Rest will come. Sometimes I simply need to vent, in hopes of dwelling on the frustrations less.
I'm always here, and you're in my prayers.
Ay the reasons we clobber ourselves when no one else wants to do it for us. Hang in there mate