Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Left work early yesterday. Taking a little time off has been encouraged, and that's more feasible in bits and pieces right now. Yesterday afternoon I simply reached the end of my daily rope: wasn't thinking clearly or focused, was getting bogged in the little frustrations, all that. I crashed soon after I got home and woke up at 8:00 pm-- extra time gone. So I missed/skipped Community Group (which started at 7:00 pm), but at least I scheduled lunch w/ Nate for today (and told him I might not make CG, because at the time I thought I might work late).

Somehow, it'll all come together. I try to remind myself that God is sovereign, and that none of the details I'm fretting are a big deal in the big picture of what God is doing here.

I already hate this entry for its whininess and failure to capture what I'm feeling. I hate myself for the same reasons. I feel angry, tired, frustrated, depressed, overwhelmed, pressured, rushed. I want people to listen, think, plan, pay attention, understand, get to work, shut up, trust me, and/or leave me alone. I want things to work and to be quiet. I don't want to answer questions, especially if the person asking could just find or decide the answer themselves. I want phone and e-mail disconnected.

Nice attitude. Even better for a Christian, and better still for a church employee. I'm ashamed to be wrapped up in my own pity-party and temper tantrum. This is the storm inside me. It needs to be calmed or to pass.

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