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"Tell me what you want, what you really, really want"

Feeling a little tired and grumpy; glad that this looks like a light week at the office. It's not a mood I have much reason for or any right to, so the challenge is in feeling and owning it, yet laying it down and taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. I know the phrase well—reality is not so neat.

Lunch with Heather and a Community Group leaders' meeting today, or else I'd likely as not hole up for the day. I'm so blessed to have the work I do, though. It's beyond imagining that I get paid to do what I do, that I can invest my life so clearly and obviously in the Kingdom. Every Christian is called to such an investment, without question, but so many of us have daily struggles with other agendas, especially at work. I feel like I got the "For Dummies" version, and I couldn't be happier with that. It's a blessing I'd do well to remember.

Sometimes, though, I'm convinced that we are often getting exactly what we want out of our lives, what we truly want. Not that there isn't real suffering and oppression and struggle (indeed, my framework is primarily that of a person of privilege, with much greater societal, economic, and relational mobility than much of the world enjoys), but when it all comes down, much of the drama and even the pain can be of our own choosing—it's what we're comfortable with, and walking away from it takes us farther than we want to go. Control is nasty that way. We become singularly fixed on exerting it where we can, and we camp out in those areas of our lives where we appear to have it. We can have an illusion of control even in the choice to identify as a victim. And we receive our reward in full.

I don't have that licked. What I hope for, however, is the faith to be open to receiving something else in my life and the courage to live into it. There's suffering either way; that I can guarantee. But walking in this way also promises blessing (Matthew 5:1-12)—a much richer, fuller truth than most of us have ever dared to grasp or hope.

It may be, however, that true blessing is out of my control. If so, which will I choose?

Comments

control *is* nasty that way...

as i read this morning:
that;s the tricky thing about life, really, that the things we want most will kill us... because of sin, because i am self-addicted, living in the wreckage of the fall, my body, my heart, and my afffections are prone to love the things that kill me. tony says that jesus gives us the ability to love the things we should love, the things of heaven... when people who follow jesus love the right things, they help create god's kingdom on earth.

it helps me every day to pray, god, help me to love what you love and hate what you hate. the blessing may not be what i think it is from where i stand now. but i am to the point now where there is nowhere else i can go, none other whom i can serve. and there is a wonderful peace with that.

isn't it cs lewis who writes about heaven and hell is where you get what you wanted all along? heaven is where we say to god, thy will be done, and hell is where god says to someone, like you wanted, *thy* will be done...

Re: control *is* nasty that way...

I am perpetually perplexed that there are people ("Christian" and non) who act with indifference or contempt for Jesus and His bride in the present, yet somehow expect that they will (and would want to) be united with Him in the future. Preposterous!

My favorite bit of Lewis on Hell: "The doors to Hell are locked from the inside."



Oh, and happy birthday!

Re: control *is* nasty that way...

thank you. :)
Don't be grumpy :) I hope you can conquer your attitude. Best to be bright today :D
tell me again - at which church do you work?
I work at Grace Seattle.
Ah. I have a good friend who works at University Pres. I thought'd it'd be funny if you worked at the same place.

but....no.

That's a solid church. Would have made for a small world!
are you quoting Spice Girls or is it just me?
Moi? That's just crazy talk...



I wanna...I wanna...I wanna...
"much of the drama and even the pain can be of our own choosing—it's what we're comfortable with, and walking away from it takes us farther than we want to go"

oh yeah, absolutely, things get quiet, and you catch us looking around like prarie dogs- we say we want peace, but the drama is interesting, and distracting

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone (including myself) take two frantic steps backward after a promising step forward on the path to peace, I'd have a considerable fund to use for stirring up still more drama.