Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai
  • Mood: determined
  • Music: Jars of Clay, "The Stone"

Unleashing Heaven

I don't know what I'm capable of. By constantly telling myself I don't have the energy or bandwidth for this or that, or believing I shouldn't have to deal with some obstacle or frustration, I don't honestly have any idea of what God is capable of doing in and through me. Each is a way of protecting myself, guarding reserves so that I will not be depleted. My faith is so very small that I cannot even conceive of His bringing streams of living water from me.

Not that limits and boundaries are a bad thing. By no means. But I have cultivated a pattern of setting and drawing them so close to myself that no one can come in, that I cannot come out, that I will never grow. All for the sake of being safe.

Here's what's untrue about what I wrote above: I do know what I'm capable of. And I'm settling for far, far less because I'm self-centered and afraid. My weariness is in so many ways a choice, a safer one than risking becoming what I can be.

No more. Today I open up this life and see what she's got under the hood.
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  • 13 comments

  • The analog ideal and the digital real

    There’s an underlying issue that’s been bugging me on the digital vs. analog stuff I’ve seen off and on for some time. So on Facebook, I tried to lay…

  • Being the limiting resource in the rushing stream

    Last weekend was our church's annual Men's Retreat, with the theme of "Living Intentionally." Though I was only able to attend a portion of the time…

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