Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai
  • Mood: determined
  • Music: Jars of Clay, "The Stone"

Unleashing Heaven

I don't know what I'm capable of. By constantly telling myself I don't have the energy or bandwidth for this or that, or believing I shouldn't have to deal with some obstacle or frustration, I don't honestly have any idea of what God is capable of doing in and through me. Each is a way of protecting myself, guarding reserves so that I will not be depleted. My faith is so very small that I cannot even conceive of His bringing streams of living water from me.

Not that limits and boundaries are a bad thing. By no means. But I have cultivated a pattern of setting and drawing them so close to myself that no one can come in, that I cannot come out, that I will never grow. All for the sake of being safe.

Here's what's untrue about what I wrote above: I do know what I'm capable of. And I'm settling for far, far less because I'm self-centered and afraid. My weariness is in so many ways a choice, a safer one than risking becoming what I can be.

No more. Today I open up this life and see what she's got under the hood.
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  • 13 comments

  • Being the limiting resource in the rushing stream

    Last weekend was our church's annual Men's Retreat, with the theme of "Living Intentionally." Though I was only able to attend a portion of the time…

  • Losses and messes

    Hasn't been the easiest past couple of weeks. Nothing awful in the scheme of things; just a steady stream of losses and messes, departures and FUBAR…

  • Eventless

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