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Superhero

Unleashing Heaven

mood: determined determined
music: Jars of Clay, "The Stone"
I don't know what I'm capable of. By constantly telling myself I don't have the energy or bandwidth for this or that, or believing I shouldn't have to deal with some obstacle or frustration, I don't honestly have any idea of what God is capable of doing in and through me. Each is a way of protecting myself, guarding reserves so that I will not be depleted. My faith is so very small that I cannot even conceive of His bringing streams of living water from me.

Not that limits and boundaries are a bad thing. By no means. But I have cultivated a pattern of setting and drawing them so close to myself that no one can come in, that I cannot come out, that I will never grow. All for the sake of being safe.

Here's what's untrue about what I wrote above: I do know what I'm capable of. And I'm settling for far, far less because I'm self-centered and afraid. My weariness is in so many ways a choice, a safer one than risking becoming what I can be.

No more. Today I open up this life and see what she's got under the hood.

Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 at 09:01 am | | Communicate | 13 communications |

Comments


living_water

Why do I suddenly feel as if I should duck and cover?
Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 04:04 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

That would probably be an appropriate response!
Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 04:24 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

prester_scott

I can't begin to tell you how many different times I've said that to myself. Yet here I am.
Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 04:05 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

blistermoth

oooh i love the hood analogy
Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 04:08 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

josparke



You can do it!
Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 04:08 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

roughdiamond

I identify with this very much. Instead of just going for it, I more easily complain and say, "I can't do that" or "How am I supposed to do that." I'm working on cultivating an excitement about the so-called challenges that I've created these mini-roadblocks in my mind about.

:)
Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 04:40 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

calledisrael

love, power, and a sound mind.

this is a wonderful, holy commitment, and i know that god will bless it in your life.

just a bit of rambling commentary, since i know where you are coming from... i have gotten so much in life out of my capacity, out of going as fast and as hard as i am able. my pastor continued to rebuke me in that way, to tell me that it was good and holy to give up capacity to find life, and i responded that that just sounded like bad stewardship to me.

it took the reading in church the next day, on how jesus gave up his fullness of divinity to come down and "pitch his tent with us," to come and be incarnate as fully man - for me to understand, just a little, the immensity of jesus' incarnation. and how overwhelming it is, that he chose to 'be less' than he could have been - and streams of living water came for sure. (not sure if that makes sense in this form.)

all that to say... i pray for you that you would find life... not in the fullness of your capacity - which is clearly and unquestionably an immense one. but in the fullness of your submission. living water is a beautiful thing. and god brings it out of all who turn to him in faith.

you pray the right things, friend, but i think you give your life to them, too, and that is what counts. we are not a slave again to fear. god will really bless you.
Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 04:49 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

journeyto

Re: love, power, and a sound mind.

Wow, that was beautiful. hmm. Very challenging.
Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 10:21 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

barlow_girl

Wooo hoo!
Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 05:32 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

deltamiss

Good for you! Go for it!!
Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 08:59 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

journeyto

IM me. Weirdest thing happened when I tried to re-engage in our convo last night.
Posted on Apr. 19th, 2005 10:20 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

emsheba

Isolating is such a circular trap for me also. Good for you breaking out of the pattern!
Posted on Apr. 20th, 2005 03:34 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

christianlady

Off topic question

Joining communities with people who are of various different religions or have no religion gets me into discussions, and one inevitable discussion involves the theory of evolution. I was wondering if you have studied this theory (including anthropology) and what you think of it? Do you have any good references I could read? Thank you in advance for your time...
Posted on Apr. 21st, 2005 03:42 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply