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Writing from my patio table, where I expect to compose many entries in the coming months. It's peaceful here and my mug is warm with tea.

You wouldn't believe how hard I've been fighting God. It masquerades as busyness, and a dozen other things, but really it's me fighting Him instead of resting in Him. It's easier to pretend that it's something else when my days are full of church, and that's exponentially more dangerous. I can't say with certainty that I'm writing from a better place; I'm only admitting the fact.

When you're fighting a battle you can't win against an Adversary who wants to love you above all else, the only sane course of action is to lay down your arms and surrender.

God blesses us all up to the full measure and extremity of what it is safe for Him to do. If you do not get a blessing, it is because it is not safe for you to have one. If our heavenly Father were to let your unhumbled spirit win a victory in His holy war, you would pilfer the crown for yourself, and meeting with a fresh enemy you would fall a victim; so that you are kept low for your own safety. When a man is sincerely humble, and never ventures to touch so much as a grain of the praise, there is scarcely any limit to what God will do for him.

Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Morning and Evening (6 April, Evening: "Humiliation Brings Blessing")


*hugs* I've done that too, but is best just to surrender -_-
Sometimes I think resting takes more work than fighting. Praying for you in this.

"the lord will fight for you, you need only to be still"

this is why i am so moved by jacob,
who fought all night long, as hard as he could,
but who received the blessing when he *submitted.*
he was called israel because he wrestled with god,
and did not overcome god, but i more tend to think overcame *himself.*

i love that i serve a god who would see fit to put my hip out of joint as a reminder of who i am and who he is. a chorus we sing alot out of song of solomon is about "in my weakness, you call me lovely." i am so glad that my father is so good. as unimaginable as that is to me, i *know* that it is true.

i preached once on why hebrews says you have to work to enter the sabbath rest of god. i think you would have liked it.
Oh, my gosh. That's an awesome quote!
ever hear SOLDIER OF LOVE by Pearl Jam?
I fight God all the time...sometimes i don't know how to NOT fight Him...
I laughed when I read this, because I immediately thought of the early 90s Donny Osmond comeback tune, "Soldier of Love."