Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Kisses of faithfulness

But what if I should be guilty of the same accursed sin as Judas, that son of perdition? I have been baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus; I am a member of His visible Church; I sit at the communion table: all these are so many kisses of my lips. Am I sincere in them? If not, I am a base traitor. Do I live in the world as carelessly as others do, and yet make a profession of being a follower of Jesus? Then I must expose religion to ridicule, and lead men to speak evil of the holy name by which I am called. Surely if I act thus inconsistently I am a Judas, and it were better for me that I had never been born. Dare I hope that I am clear in this matter? Then, O Lord, keep me so. O Lord, make me sincere and true. Preserve me from every false way. Never let me betray my Saviour. I do love Thee, Jesus, and though I often grieve Thee, yet I would desire to abide faithful even unto death. O God, forbid that I should be a high-soaring professor, and then fall at last into the lake of fire, because I betrayed my Master with a kiss.

Charles Haddon Spurgeon, Morning and Evening (26 March, Moring: "Sincere Kiss")

I am so very grateful that the sincerity of my love is crafted in His sure hands rather than by these feeble ones. I'm such a mess. So it is because of this great hope that I can ask for faithfulness from Him—that His very faithfulness will be imparted to me. Because it is not a new faithfulness I need, but the faithfulness of Christ Himself.

Time with Annette, Heather, and Nate was good as always. It brings with it the oddest sort of ambivalence—I often want to flee in advance of our time together, feeling the weight of an overfull schedule on my underfull heart. The spirit is willing (but perhaps afraid?); the flesh is weak. I wrote their prayer requests because my memory has failed me often recently, and because I have been so very poor at praying for anyone or praying at all.

It's also so good to entertain guests. Need to do this much more often.

This morning is IKEA with Anne and perhaps Nathan. My shopping list is made; I hope to return with a small table and chairs for my patio. The days keep getting more beautiful, and I'd like to spend some sunrises and sunsets in the fresh air.

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