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Black

Ridin' the storm out

mood: drained drained
music: Elliott Smith, "The Biggest Lie"
By now, I should know better.

And I'm learning. I can't flip a switch and make wipe my feelings away, but I have a better sense of what's temporary and can tell myself to ride it out while my mind is going a mile a minute and my gut is knotted and I stay still because I'm afraid even moving will make me fall apart.

It does go away. Not the end of the world—that, I would recognize.

Maybe in the waiting I'll learn to be present with God. He's the only one who can heal me, even of my self-inflicted wounds. And so many are. I place myself in harm's way over and over. I've been doing some of this stuff to myself for two decades now. At the very least I can start responding differently, and maybe someday I can just stop going down the same roads.

Party tonight; huge launch day tomorrow. We're starting our Evening Worship (6:00 pm) in addition to Morning Worship (10:00 am), and afterward is Grace On Tap at Conor Byrne Pub (8:00 pm, free, 21+). The lineup includes Michael Vermillion (of Vendetta Red), Julie Jane, and Phileas Fogg, so it should be a great show—come on out, Seattlelites!

After a day and week like this, I'm ready for a pint or three.

Posted on Mar. 12th, 2005 at 01:04 pm | | Communicate | 8 communications |

Comments


itsacountry

Why is it that the emotions we recognize as temporary seem to be the most extreme?

On the other hand... better to have these drastic emotions to fight with than to live a life without passion or emotion.

Being able to find the balance is where we grow as people.
Posted on Mar. 12th, 2005 09:19 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

I agree wholeheartedly. Sometimes I grow by learning to express things; sometimes by learning to restrain them. And I, too, would rather live with the struggle than run from it. I've seen the kind of damage running can do, and it's far, far worse.
Posted on Mar. 12th, 2005 09:26 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

josparke

yay! Partay!
Posted on Mar. 12th, 2005 11:45 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

barlow_girl

enjoy those pints. :o] and the grace. i ♥ how it's always "on tap." i'm such a sucker for the pun.
Posted on Mar. 13th, 2005 12:20 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

nertles

i was there! i spent a lot of time trying to figure out what you looked like. there were a couple candidates, but it's just too silly to think you could know what someone looks like based on their internet presence.
Posted on Mar. 14th, 2005 05:48 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

banzai

I wish I'd known you were there! I was toward the front most of the time and was one of the last to leave. Who knows? I may have talked with you!
Posted on Mar. 14th, 2005 05:55 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

nertles

i was meeting up with friends and actually didn't know there'd be music (i'm friends with some of the phileas fogg peeps) ... then i put 2 and 2 together and remembered that grace on tap existed. i had to leave before they played, though, so i didn't make any new friends, such as you. maybe some other time. :)
Posted on Mar. 15th, 2005 06:23 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

banzai

I came in just at the end of the first set (Julie Jane) and talked with Myron and Lacey on the way in. Maybe next time!
Posted on Mar. 15th, 2005 06:38 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply