Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

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Dissonance

Extolling promises God never made. Moving the boundary stones of God's grace from where He's placed them. We are too often careless with our words about Him. He's reimagined and redefined based on our sensibilities. We don't mean harm by any stretch. But we subtly treat Him as someone less than God—as an idea that can be reworked to support our notions of family or righteousness or love. Like Uzzah, we reach for the Ark because we're afraid it will topple on its own (2 Samuel 6:6-7). It's absolute mercy when we aren't struck dead. And maybe, like David, we should consider the possibility that we shouldn't be carrying His presence the way we are in the first place.

I hate it in a way that I can't escape. I hate when He's reduced to an idea to play with, or a blessing-giver to seek, or a vague comfort while we're going our own way. And I hate that some part of me wants Him to be any or all of these things instead of being who He is.

Honestly, I want my desires to be His promises, rather than letting His promises become and transform my desires. So it's nothing but tension: I get pissed when God is treated like a tumbling ark, yet I'm doing the same damn thing or worse in my own life. He invites my trust and I refuse Him. He speaks wisdom and I question Him. He offers truth and I ignore Him. I find things beautiful and desirable that I know He hates. I pursue and treasure them anyway.

So can the Uzzahs of this world be any worse than I? Maybe I'm not kidding myself as much about who He is, but over and over again, I'm acting as if who He is doesn't matter. I can be righteously indignant until I'm blue, but at the end of the day, I know who I am, too.
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