Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai
  • Mood: mellow

The goose is getting fat

I'm in the stage where I've given up on getting everything done before I leave for Christmas and am just hoping that I'm getting the right stuff done to keep things from falling apart until I get back. That's not as dramatic as it sounds, but it did have me running like a hamster in a wheel yesterday. Staff dinner was last night, and there's a holiday/engagement party this evening, so I bagged out on having morning prayer and breakfast with Annette, Heather, and Nate this morning. There's only so much of me.

Apparently needed the rest, because I didn't get out of bed until 10:30. That's just crazy. My sleep was fitful, too, and I often felt like I wanted to get up but was being held down. Lately I've awoken with my heart racing as often as not. It's uncomfortable and strange.

Journalling has also been strange. I find myself tempted to write things brighter or darker than they really are, creating some kind of image or character. Some of that is because I'm aware others are reading; some of it is how I want to see myself. It's given me lots of false starts in writing: "Is that really where your heart is?" And honestly, lots of my heart shouldn't be splayed out for all to see.

Peppermint mocha for my morning coffee today. Nancy boy.
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