Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Kicking in the chaos

Fixed one of my Roman shades today. That seems completely negligible, but it's not. For days it's hung crooked in the window, an unwitting symbol of my embrace of futility. Fixing it would be a momentary pain, I reasoned, and I've been so busy and tired. Just as well to let it dangle. Everything breaks, everything's a chore.

But today I fixed it. Five minutes of work, a statement nonetheless. I'm still kicking in the chaos.

Good to be home today. Makes me feel rested and better about heading into work tomorrow. Via TiVo I've been listening to Evanescence to feel my angst (shut up!). One of the reasons I need to cling to God's promises is that not another thing is certain. The future is myriad possibilities, the past full of unanswered questions, the present not quite right somehow. The last one is still getting to me, as if there were a countdown ticking softly in the background. I'm still accepting it too much and praying about it too little.

Yet I know who's on the Throne. That keeps despair at bay, gives soil for hope to grow, and creates the possibility of joy around each corner. Creation groans, no doubt, but in labor for a certain and glorious Birth.

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