Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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The past is prologue

Maybe it's the Christmas season, but I'm missing people. I miss my best friend, Chris. Even though I try to accept it and move on, I don't understand how someone can change so much, becoming almost completely self-involved and turning his back on his friends, his wife, and his Lord. I probably haven't spoken with him in a year or more, and have no idea how I'd even reach him if I did. It's staggering to go from brothers in the faith and even partners in ministry to...nothing.

I miss Jodi. I don't even know how to express that one.

I miss Laura, and Kevin, and Joel, and Shannon, and Kris, and Mike, and all the rest. The ones who knew.

"Be here now," I tell myself, "or you'll miss it." That's so true. I almost wish I could wall of the past and stop this missing so that it doesn't keep getting in the way of my appreciating today's blessings. There's so much to be thankful for, so much to be celebrated in joy. I have wonderful friends and family, a good home, and a good job. God loves and delights in me. And sometimes I almost can't see any of it.

This life, this one, is the one I have now. It's worth diving into. There are no more trips back. There's nothing else I can bring with me just by force of will. What's past is past.

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