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Black

Is God telling the truth?

Struggling with something and I'm not even entirely sure what it is. Finding myself unusually bothered by the respects in which I'm alone (and more specific rumblings along those lines). Starting to feel a little under the weather as well; I've been dragging all morning at work.

It's hard for me to be with God in it. Maybe I'm afraid of what I'll say; maybe I'm afraid of what He'll say; maybe I'm afraid that we will just be silent.

In this morning's sermon, John asked, "Are the promises of God our soundtrack? Do we filter our past and future through them? Or do we interpret our lives (and His promises) through our past pain, marriage and family, career, or something else?" I don't like most people's answer to this question, and I don't like mine. Mine is the one I can change.

What if I live as if God is telling the truth? Where will my joy be? What will I no longer pursue or care about? How will my time be invested? What will I let go of or leave behind?

That scares me way more than it should.

Comments

thanks. i have thought of this much today. this is exactly what has been happening in my life, and i had to leave behind things i thought i really wanted... and learn to love things that in my own self i don't...

it's worth it, and i would not ever trade it or go back. but i am honestly glad that when i started on this journey i didn't know the actual fullness of it. more than i could bear, as my father knew in his infinite wisdom.
isn't it suppose to be scary?
Maybe I'm afraid of what I'll say; maybe I'm afraid of what He'll say; maybe I'm afraid that we will just be silent.

Sigh. Grr. Sigh.