Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai
  • Mood: lonely

Rain fall

Opened my door so that I could hear the rain. It's chilly, but it's more important for me to hear it. I need its constancy, its comfort—things are as they have ever been, and tomorrow will be yet another day, no more broken or irredeemable than yesterday. My Abba loves me and is working all things for my good, regardless of what I feel now. The sound of raindrops on tin is the same, the same as it ever was.

Nothing's as personal as I make it. I'm not sure if that's better or worse.

Stayed in rather than attending the Whiskey Smoke at John's tonight. Just couldn't bring myself to be "on" that long, knowing that tomorrow is also filled until bedtime. Sometimes I wonder if my self with groups is an act, if I fool them all, then quietly resent them for being fooled. If someone really does see, that's when I'm really in trouble. Because that's when I actually care. And that's just not safe.

I'm OK. I just don't want things to be as hard as they are sometimes. I'm tired of the hurt.
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  • 21 comments

  • The analog ideal and the digital real

    There’s an underlying issue that’s been bugging me on the digital vs. analog stuff I’ve seen off and on for some time. So on Facebook, I tried to lay…

  • Being the limiting resource in the rushing stream

    Last weekend was our church's annual Men's Retreat, with the theme of "Living Intentionally." Though I was only able to attend a portion of the time…

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    Hasn't been the easiest past couple of weeks. Nothing awful in the scheme of things; just a steady stream of losses and messes, departures and FUBAR…