Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

  • Mood:

The music

No one but me has heard my music in years. It's not good, and that's part of the reason. It's shards and fragments, notes and chords grasping at feelings I can feel but memories I can't quite remember. Only a few things stick out, and some of them cut.

I played a little this afternoon, looking up to see my own face reflected in the glass. I never expected these years. Looking up farther, I saw the book up on the top shelf in the wall—the one place where I have her pictures, her words written in her own hand. Maybe I put them close together on purpose, someplace beyond my thinking. I couldn't bring myself to pull it down and look; I can only do that every few years anymore.

This is the best way, I tell myself. But the music never quite makes the sense it's supposed to, and no one else ever hears.
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