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Everlasting love

There are times I'd like to be dating someone right now, to feel love and loved, want and wanted. In my imagination at least, that would soften my losses and make me think less about my disappointments. And honestly, sometimes I don't want to care whether she loves Jesus or not. And that shows me how damned selfish I am.

Basically, I want a fix, like an addict of any other stripe. But that's not God's intent for me, and I know it. Seeking the Kingdom first isn't something I can let myself set aside. If God's voice has any authority in my life, that must define me. And if I deny Him that, then I also deny Him the authority to pronounce my forgiveness—it's the same voice, and it can't have authority in one area of my life but not in another. Either I believe Him or I don't.

Because of that, I can't consider marrying anyone who isn't likewise defined by Him, who isn't seeking first His Kingdom. And I won't be romantically close with anyone I know I couldn't marry, because that'd ultimately be a lie. I already have enough of those.

God's design for marriage is a loving union through which He advances His Kingdom. Once, I heard someone say Christians should evaluate potential spouses in terms of how they can encourage and partner with one another in seeking His Kingdom here. That seems like a good place to start.

But if that's one of my main criteria, what if there's no spark? What if I don't love her in the way I want to love someone? That's hypothetically valid, but if she's really someone God designed to advance His kingdom in a way that's complementary to me, how could I do anything but love her? Inasmuch as she's not attractive to me, neither is He.

So what do I do now? Much as I want to do anything and everything else, I need to fall more in love with Him, to let Him define and change what attracts me, what I seek, what I love. If there's to be another in my life, He'll bring us to one another. Grasping and scrambling for that, even though it's often what I want to do, is simply faithless and, if He's to be believed, quite insane.

Mostly, I just needed to sketch the truth out for myself, a reminder of the boundary stones for this stage of my life. It's been too easy for me to let myself question His authority and goodness, but He has show Himself faithful and true. That's the only direction in which there's hope. That hope doesn't disappoint.

Comments

Thank you for this.
I can, too. Thanks for sharing it with us.
I tried 'dating' a guy once who was a very good Christian, and wasn't attractive to me at all. I learned that it does matter whether or not there is that spark--not immensely, because I think if I were to make that choice now, I could be happily married to someone who didn't knock my socks off, but was Godly. Of course, that's after marrying a man who is very attractive to me and not a Christian at all. John is a good husband and father, but you're right to want someone who has the same desire for God that you have.

Honestly, spark is huge for me, and I'd be a hypocrite if I suggested otherwise or projected other values onto anyone else. The danger for me is in letting it be authoritative--only He is that. God has spoken into my life so often in the language of subtlety and change, and I'd be so foolish to close Him out of my romantic life because He didn't meet my expectations of "spark."

Not that He isn't welcome to knock my socks off.
Gotcha :D

I was speaking more in terms of literal dating--if someone shows up who meets the qualifications of Godliness and whatnot, but doesn't attract you in any other way, I don't think that's someone you should expect to settle down with.

Ignore my bad grammar :D

I see what you're saying when it comes to God and one's romantic life. At least... I think I do :D

I haven't figured out how to let God be my One and Only... How do I love him so much that it makes my love for John and Randall look like hate? When I think of it in those terms, my love for God is such a weak and tepid thing.
I'm not sure I know what I'm saying; this was pretty stream-of-consciousness as I'm trying to wrestle some thoughts and feelings to the ground, and it wasn't even originally going to be posted.

Bottom line is that I have to confess that I'm still attracted to lots of things God hates and not attracted to Him in so many ways. Therefore, attraction has some significant limits in helping me toward real love, and I need to acknowledge how unreliable it can be.
Trust Him.

Turn over your desire for a wife with Christ's heart to Him. Lay it at the throne. As it says, "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God". Yes, I certainly understand the desire for a mate.

That's why I'm divorced. I married my first husband (who was a rather abusive jerk) not so much out of love but out of fear. What if no one else ever wanted me? What if this was my only shot at marriage? I'd better say yes, who else would want me, after all...

After a few more failed stabs at dating, I gave up. If being single was God's plan for me, then that is where I would be the happiest in the long run. I turned that over to Him, completely and wholeheartedly. It wasn't my choosing, it was his.

Trust Him. Love is one of His gifts. He would never doom you to a loveless, bland marriage. If marriage is in His plan for you, then He has someone who will be your perfect counterpart - there will be that chemistry, that desire, and that same yearning for His heart. (That's not to say it will always be easy; marriages aren't made in Heaven, they come in kits, with assembly required.)

But turn your concerns over to Him -- far easier said than done, I know. But it is far, far better to remain single than marry out of desperation and the fear of being alone. I learned that lesson the hard way. He has a plan for you. Trust Him to bring your paths to cross when the time is right, and trust Him that she will be your heart's desire, your song of songs.

One other thing...

And speaking of songs, your subject line reminded me of a song I've loved that came out in the 80s. I thought you might like it.

Everlasting Love
Howard Jones
(some corrections made from off the page - I still remember it pretty much verbatim from other sources back in the 80s, especially the end, which had a lovely rhythm.)

He wasn't looking for a pretty face,
She wasn't searching for the latest style.
He didn't want someone who walked straight off the T.V.,
She needed someone with an interior smile.

She wasn't looking for a cuddle in the back seat.
He wasn't looking for a five-minute thrill.
She wasn't thinking of tomorrow or of next week,
This vacancy he meant to permanently fill.

I need an everlasting love,
I need a friend and a lover divine.
An everlasting, precious love.
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time.

Back in the world of disposable emotion,
In the climate of temporary dreams,
He wasn't looking for a notch on his bedpost,
A love to push, pull, and burst at the seams.

I need an everlasting love,
I need a friend and a lover divine.
An everlasting, precious love.
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time.

Is this love worth waiting for?
BItterness will die for sure.
Something special, something pure.
Is this love worth waiting for?

I need an everlasting love,
I need a friend and a lover divine.
An everlasting, precious love.
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time.

This is love worth waiting for.
Bitterness will die for sure.
Something precious, something pure.
This is love worth waiting for.

I need an everlasting love,
I need a friend and a lover divine.
An everlasting, precious love.
Wait for it, wait for it, give it some time.
Looking at this and realizing some of the truths, I do wonder if God really intends for many of us to be married. It's interesting today how many conversations and LJ entries I've been involved in that talk about Godliness and marriage. Frustrating topic, it is!!

I give up. I simply give up. There is no one out there for me, I have to consider that and be content. I have to be content without tacking on, "But if God...." No. I have to accept now and love Him. I have to give up.

Like you said, there is only one direction in which there's hope.
I admire you, for what you've said and what you believe. You inspire me.
*nods*
wow. just wow..
Hi! We have some mutual friends and I learned about you from bonsaye because she linked this post to me last night when I was particularly down in the dumps. Do you mind if I add you?
I'd be honored; I'll do likewise!