Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Dying to live

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

—Andy Dufrense, The Shawshank Redemption

Strange terrain in my interior these days. Lots of darkness, old and new. Yet somehow God finds the oddest ways and times to reveal Himself.

A memory of the feel of her hair brought tears to my eyes this morning as I waited for my bus. I longed for nothing so much as to feel her hand squeezing mine. It's been such a long time, and those memories are not so simple or easy.

I wonder if it could have been different somehow, me instead of her. But this is the way it is, so no, it could not have been different. God is sovereign; reality is its own proof.

Tired after a full day, I felt His breath refreshing me during prayer at my evening meeting. "Us lions." I've been so distant. The truth was a gentle nudge, never more than one step back.

There are always things to let go and things to grasp. I've been making wrong choices in both directions, letting my story live me rather than truly living. And I need to live.

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