Log in

No account? Create an account

Dying to live

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

—Andy Dufrense, The Shawshank Redemption

Strange terrain in my interior these days. Lots of darkness, old and new. Yet somehow God finds the oddest ways and times to reveal Himself.

A memory of the feel of her hair brought tears to my eyes this morning as I waited for my bus. I longed for nothing so much as to feel her hand squeezing mine. It's been such a long time, and those memories are not so simple or easy.

I wonder if it could have been different somehow, me instead of her. But this is the way it is, so no, it could not have been different. God is sovereign; reality is its own proof.

Tired after a full day, I felt His breath refreshing me during prayer at my evening meeting. "Us lions." I've been so distant. The truth was a gentle nudge, never more than one step back.

There are always things to let go and things to grasp. I've been making wrong choices in both directions, letting my story live me rather than truly living. And I need to live.


Wow, these memories can sock you in the gut, the past real in your senses for even a moment. I am thankful that God has been gentle in meeting you. You will truly live!


I need to watch my favorite movie again soon~

I loved the tone of this post. I get annoyed & sad at what sometimes feels like your self-contempt--this felt different, and good.
you made me smile, 9 time zones away.

I'm afraid when God says "let go" in one area, especially a big area, I let go of everything.
I forget how to hang on and I walk around hoping God will keep what He wants kept in my life.

I know what you mean about memories. That has happened more than I can't count this month. Not to mention in most of my dreams every night.
But for once I don't long to change this part of the story. There are plenty I wish I could change about the past, but right now and whatever comes next I have perfect peace about.
In regards to the memories, that is.

It makes the reality that it's all about Him so much easier to rejoice in... it makes the reality of Him so much more tangible and absolutely necessary for breath.