Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

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Things I still don't understand

As noted, I ditched out of the Victrola party pretty early last night. I knew next to no one, and while it was fun, it was also yet another of those socially awkward times when I felt pretty alone, moreso in a crowd than had I been by myself. So when I come in for morning coffee, I'm greeted by a round of "you didn't stay very long last night!" by the staff here. I obviously don't get people at all, because I barely thought my presence was noted, much less my absence. Feels nice, but I obviously need to re-assess my assessments of social situations (further reinforcement that I am, in fact, a social idiot).

Starting late because Suzanne told me to take some time off before she left Wednesday, and Dave reiterated that sentiment yesterday. Fact is, there are a couple of things that just have to be done, on a schedule, so taking whole days off before Sunday is unlikely. I'd far rather work a little each day. Attention span theater, I suppose. Hopefully I'll only be in the office briefly today, and do some more tomorrow. I could get everything done today, but the thought of sitting in the office all day is quite unappealing.

Dreamed of Jodi last night. My first love, for anyone keeping score. Heard her voice, then saw her walk by through my window. Called out to her and she seemed to hear, but not know where it was coming from. Frustration, futility, and loss-- a dream mirroring life. This morning, I stopped for a long moment on the sidewalk where she walked in my dream.

I am still haunted.
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