calmLike all believers, I am intended to bring the light of Christ to the darkness, to bear fragrance of Him in a world full of stench. And like all believers, there are ways I am uniquely created and equipped to fulfill this purpose. I have gifts that are meant to help people. Yet all the time, I'm pulling back. My response to sin in my own life and others' is anger and frustration, not forgiveness. I'm afraid I'll be drained of everything I have rather than trusting Him to be a stream of living water flowing from me and pouring blessing on others. The more I conserve, the less I have. And if God loves me—and He does—I will have continue to have less and less until even the smallest step must be one of faith, because that is the step that matters.
That's not to say I don't need rest or solitude. I'm created to need these, in unique ways, just as my gifts are unique. But when I'm not resting in Him, my rest turns to restlessness and my solitude turns to loneliness. And I pull back farther and farther. I have so very many inauthentic ways of relating with others; the internet can be one at times. Each denies Him. Each holds back His fragrance and light. Still, He is faithful, gentle, and constant, coaxing me out and reminding me who I am. That's the kind of conviction I need, the kind that exposes falsehood and reveals truth.
