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Reaching

Into the grey

The rain and grey and cool are balm for my restless soul.

Well, that sounded pretentious. But it's true—this is the Seattle I love and needed. The weather can't still or cure me, but it's a whole lot better than having the sun beat me down, even at the more moderate temperatures we enjoy here. I can turn off my fan and its constant drone, listening to rainfall and breezes instead.

That said, I'm still in a minor funk. Katy Bowser put on a good show last night, and it was fun to meet her and be remembered by her, but I wish I hadn't been there alone (I'd invited a dozen or so of my friends earlier in the week). Still, it's honest. I've always done things alone, and I probably always will. I went to church alone before my age reached the double digits. The cemetery was my sanctuary growing up. When I got out on my own, I went to movies alone, had dinners alone. I'm an introvert, so being alone isn't some kind of terrible, horrible, has-to-be-fixed-because-it's-dreadful kind of thing. The only antidote is presence, and you can't make that happen—it's a gift you receive (or refuse) when it comes.

And it comes, no doubt. And it's incomplete on this side of heaven, no doubt. Both of these facts are hope and comfort.

It's just more human for me to admit I'm missing something, someone. So I'm trying to learn to do that, too.

Comments

it's raining here and I am enjoying it today as well. I've been here 10 years now and wishing we could get more sun. I think 10 years is the itch year and I am wanting a change.

The cemetery was my sanctuary growing up.

I used to enjoy playing my flute in the cemetary. There was a rose garden that was closed off from the rest of the yard at one house I rented and I used to trim the Roses for the landlord, she was elderly and sweet, and I would play my flute there.
I envy your willingness to do things alone. I have always struggled with dependency on others to be with me... if for no other reason than to laugh at the hundreds of quips I make in a night. ;)
There can be a lot of laughter inside my head. And life is too short, too precious for me to wait for someone else to show in order to live it.
Exactly.
I miss the rain there. I've only been away two years and I'm still adjusting. Of course it rains here too, but not as much. When it does it comes down in buckets, none of that lovely drizzle.

The first and so far only time I've gone to a movie by myself was to go see Jurassic Park. It was flat out awsome. I loved the movie so much that I bought the book. It was the first time I'd ever read a book after seeing the movie. I really relish the times I get to watch a video alone and uninterupted, it doesn't happen often since I have two little ones! I think if I got to go to a movie theater alone it would feel so surreal!

I never felt comfortable doing things alone most of my life. I wish I had looking back. Of course isn't that always the case? It seems you appreciate your independance. That's a good thing.
I love seeing what God is doing in you.

And I'm jealous of your ability to be alone.
I remember how hard it was for me the first time I went to a movie alone - it wasn't that long ago - it was such a big independence thing for me - I wrote about it in my journal, as a matter of fact - too lazy to make a link, but I did.

Being someone who really struggles with loneliness, though, I can appreciate that when an introvert feels it, it must be even worse. All I can say is, if I lived in Seattle, I'd have been there. Not that you'd have known me, because I wouldn't have had the nerve to say hello. But I'd have been there, anyway! :) For what that's worth.
Agreed entirely re: the weather. And about presence.