I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac
A little voice inside my head said,
"Don't look back. You can never look back."
I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but..
I can see you,
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got that top pulled down
And that radio on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
—Don Henley, "Boys of Summer"
Just back from Before Sunset with Anne and Natrix. It's the unexpected sequel to Before Sunrise, a gem of a film I found by chance a few years ago. The story of the first follows Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and Celine (Julie Delpy), who meet on a train and spend a day and night exploring Vienna together. The sequel catches up with them nine years later, when they meet up again. These films don't show perfect love, yet I can't recommend them highly enough. Something about them films is so powerful to me, a reminder that we're all so beautiful and so broken, and that time isn't quite as linear as we pretend for sanity's sake.
When something is resonant like that, it tugs at a strand or two in my soul. And when a strand is tugged, the whole ball comes with it, like tangled Christmas lights or overcooked spaghetti. I tried to speak about it a little with Anne and Natrix over coffee afterward, but they couldn't really hear me. So it's all echoing, reverberating in my heart. Remembering, feeling, longing, missing. I can hear him, too, which after so many years is all, all wrong. Damn him.
Still, I wouldn't erase a thing.