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Hot and bothered

Weird what bothers me and what doesn't. For the whole week I've been flying off the handle at the smallest things. Yet today I was basically stood up by my ride to my friend's reception—the one I spent hours of my off time running errands to make a dish for—and it barely fazed me.

Here's a very tentative hypothesis: I get angry when things don't work right, when systems break down. But when people let me down, that's already in the equation. I expect to be forgotten or pushed to the side some of the time. It's not like there's any friend who never comes through for me; everyone does, in their measure. I've learned, however, that those measures are limited—that if I want to really be able to count on something, I have to make it work myself. When I can't do that, that's when I get angry.

In sum: I expect relying on others to eventually be futile, but I expect that I can make things work. That's pretty screwed up in multiple directions.

So today I was tired and gave up after a phone call. I'd rather let it go than to continue to bang my head against the wall and ruin my chance at a little rest. There'll be time to be angry later, I suppose, if I need to be. I'm not denying that there's disappointment and hurt; I just don't want to make it bigger than it is.

marm gently suggested that my expectations of friendship may be too low. She's right—it's not supposed to be this way. Yet it is this way, and perhaps it's necessary to accept that.

I'm more bothered and hurt now that I've written. That wasn't such a good idea, perhaps.

Comments

It's supposed to rain tonight.
I can't wait. This weather is driving me nuts.
It's odd, but pressure systems and other weather totally affect our moods. Today was a very rare wet day ... the sky kind of spitted for the entire day. No sun. So strange, so rare. I could tell that it was affecting people....
I wish we could have traded! It didn't end up raining here at all. It cooled down quite a bit and we had some good breezes, but no rain.
When I looked at the forecast yesterday and saw the rain and a drastic temperature drop, I got so excited. Oh well; no such luck.
I'm so sorry that happened. It's happened to me before. People always seem to not show up at my house when they have been invited. I rarely invite anyone over now.
It's hard sometimes, but I know I need to keep plugging along and ask God for the grace and love I lack. When my good friends fail me, I want to remember how dear to me they are regardless of how they perform. That can put me in a better place to talk about it, without just acting as if my feelings don't matter at all (because they do).

Reconciliation is what the gospel is all about, and it helps me to remember that.
i have the opposite problem.

i expect way too much of my friends...

just makes me ungrateful; which can make me bitter...

there's GOT to be a happy medium somewhere..

i pray that you find a friend that you can have high expectations for, and that they won't let you down.

someone told me that we have different categories of friends (especially in christiandom, it seems):
1.) some that take more than they give.
2.) some that give more than they take.
3.) some that it tends to equal out.

I guess the idea is that we find a balance in there somewhere...

I think gratitude is a big part of the attitude antidote in either direction. It's helpful to know that I'm in God's care in my friendships, too—that He's using them not only for my help and support, but also for my sanctification. And further, that He is every good thing I long for in a friend, so it would be a terrible thing to kill those longings. He put them there.
I guess we differ there. I'm always amazed at how self-absorbed and inconsiderate and selfish people are. I find it shocking. I can't get used to it, no longer how long I wander around this little planet. On the other hand, I have no idea why my expectations are so high. It's certainly not through experience! LOL.
Well, it can certainly be a good reminder that you weren't created just for this world!
New meaning to "the little foxes that spoil the vine."
If I'd heard this before, I'd forgotten it! It's a good thing I have a good Gardener.
A little out of context from the original meaning, but it works. Gardner is a good thing, indeed.
I expect too little of my friends and friendships. I expect people to fail, so when they do, it's not much of a surprise. This, in itself, is a form of pride, huh? People like you and me and princess_xena like to think of ourselves as superior in a way -- "If I was in the situation, I would do better. My friend failed because he/she isn't enough like me."
Hm. I see what you're saying, but I'm not sure I can go the distance with you. I don't think it's a matter of preference to not come through on one's word; it's sin when we don't. I still haven't gotten a call back from my friend. This stinks, and I don't think it stinks because of my pride.

While I can hypothetically say "yes, I'd have come through" or "no, I wouldn't have," I don't and can't know, and life has too much to offer for me to hang out in the hypothetical too long. So I hope I don't feel pride for what I'd have hypothetically done, or guilt for where I hypothetically might have failed (my sins are numerous enough without taking on hypothetical ones!).

Maybe that's pride again. I don't know; there's a limit to how much spiritualizing I can do on this, I think. God can search my heart.
"God can search my heart." And we thank Him for that....
Okay, here is the story I was looking for back when I first replied to this entry. Do you read inhim's journal at all? About two months ago, he posted chapter from a book that he authored: Christ-Centered Friendships. It starts here and continues for about a dozen posts. I grew and learned (and laughed and cried) during my time reading and discussing the book -- you might want to check it out.