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Reaching

Loving by not trusting

Watched Spider-Man 2 again at the Cinerama with friends. Bought a new spice rack. That's all there's been to this day other than random crappy feelings. God is so good, yet I've refused to enjoy Him as deeply and richly as He offers Himself to me.

Had a bit of an epiphany earlier, though, and maybe it'll make life a bit easier. Realizing that my expectations of people (and myself) are insanely high. Before I'd have said I have a problem trusting people, but that's not the kicker at all. My problem is more along the lines of wanting to trust and being failed.

People are wired differently, and I want to try to look past the judgments I often make on that basis. We all lie to some extent, so that's a given across the board. But besides the outright lies, perhaps we have different senses of what truth means. Sometimes people simply don't mean what they say, and at least as often, they do mean it, but only in that moment—the truth of their words is perishable and spoils after some kind of expiration date, which may be only minutes later. That's different from a lie, and different from me, but I'm not sure it's fair to say it's dishonest. For this reason, perhaps the more loving thing is not to trust the way I've been trying to, because it holds others to a standard they never agreed to.

Seems odd to conclude that a better way to relate with others is to trust them less, but it makes sense the more I think about it. The way I'm created, I'll find it easier to rest in the presence of people who have more of a tendency to mean what they say in a steadfast fashion. Yet I don't have to cut off the rest of the world—it's just more work, and wiser for me to remain guarded in those relationships.

I tend to be afraid of not taking people seriously enough, but I may honor some of them more by not taking them so seriously at all, and when I don't have the energy to wade through it, to simply retreat for a time rather than expressing my frustration. It's worth a shot.

Comments

ow.
Kara, this is about me.

I'm trying to learn how to relate better with a broader range of people where they are, not be frustrated because they aren't where I am (which isn't necessarily a better or higher place by any stretch). In your journal, you noted relief when someone said they took some of what you said with a shaker of salt, and I don't think I do that enough—with anyone.

shots in the dark (or at least, the dimly lit)

:/

i think i'd be disappointed if people i was with meant what they said only for a few seconds. i don't think it is possible for me to enjoy their company much, being that everything feels like...well, nothing when they speak. but, it is also possible to be so used to this type of person that you begin to expect that most people do the same thing, for the same reasons, and all the time. not everyone is the same, as you said, but sometimes it sure as heck seems that way.

on the other hand, maybe it's just the levels of trust we put in certain types of people. there are people i cannot trust myself with. so i don't. then there are others who can handle more, so they get more. but not everyone can handle as much truth of me, or truth period. different sized recepticles, i suppose, until we are enlarged? what was that verse about broaden my tents, or enlarge my tents? maybe you can pray that for them and just try and enjoy them for where they are at, but if you find they drag you down or keep you in neutral, i don't know that it is wrong to find intimacy in others who can handle more and adjust, as you said, those relationships that you can't trust as much of yourself to. but just to cover all bases since we are very new to each other, it could be the way we trust, as well, but only you and God would know the truth of that. i know there is a difference between trusting others and trusting IN others, and the latter is not the goal, as far as i understand. but even in proper trust there is risk that will always be, you know?

you know. :P

i am assuming a lot, as i am not in your mind, speaking extremely generally, because really i know nothing but, these are just the thoughts that popped up while i was reading. if none of it applies, sorry for wasting the space. :)

Re: shots in the dark (or at least, the dimly lit)

You didn't waste a pixel of space. :) These are great thoughts and spot on; thanks for sharing them.

Re: shots in the dark (or at least, the dimly lit)

what was that verse about broaden my tents, or enlarge my tents?

You're referring to the prayer of Jabez, which is mentioned in the book of Numbers. I forget the exact reference.

He doesn't let me miss it

I love when God presents me a concept mutiple times in a short period - just to make sure I don't miss it, dense as I can be sometimes.

Thanks for being part of that.

~~~~Enough about me, the commenter~~~

About you:

I think there's a lot to be said for being someone who means what they say - after the moment passes. Sure, different people are at different places, but I think it's a pretty mature place and one that not a large percentage of the population occupies. So, snaps to you, truth-person. :o]

Re: He doesn't let me miss it

After letting this all sink in, I do find myself reminded of the simple exhortation to let our "yes" be "yes" and our "no" be "no." So while I see my need to grow in patience, I'm learning that God values constancy. Perhaps the more we are grounded in seeking His truth, instead of our momentary "truths," the more that constancy becomes our nature—the life of Christ made manifest.

Re: He doesn't let me miss it

good stuff. :o]