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Counterfeit life

After being up a little while, I went back to bed this morning and curled up again. Even though it's my day off, I didn't want to face it. For some reason I'm emotionally fragile and wounded lately.

Choking on self-importance all around and within me. I know God didn't create us to be the puffed-up jackasses we've become, turning every conversation back to ourselves and acting as if we are nothing more than opinion factories. It's such a dodge from being real, from life. I think it makes most of us sick inside, but living any other way is too frightening. I'm not tired of real people, but I'm sick to death of our masks and the parodies of life we put on in fear.

Today I'm not sure how to live a life called out from that bondage, either. But I want to, and I want to trust that He can give me freedom—genuine and abundant life that doesn't have me at the center, that doesn't have me trying to muster the gravity to put the universe in orbit around me and doesn't have me spewing garbage and noise in an effort to validate my existence. Jesus has done that work. He's the King, I tell you.

Comments

On the topic of speech, and conversations, and the inevitable "I" who always rears his ugly head . . .

Several years ago some guys I knew took a vow of silence. I think they did it for a week. It wasn't practical or convenient, but they were hippie-Christians who were mixing spirituality w/ rebellion, but it made me realize how much speech is "I" centered and how much speech is used to bring the attention to myself.

It is a constant struggle.

Imagine what we'd talk about if we had no "I" or "me" in our vocabularies?!
overcast would undoubtedly end up talking in the third person a lot.
Good point.
Or maybe in the Royal We ;)
Now that would be entertaining...
Just about the only time "I" is actually a useful word is when claiming responsibilty, or during a conflict. (Rather than say, "You always/never do such-and-such," say, "I feel such-and-such...")
Absolutely true.
Great point.

on another subject

Do you know anything I can read on Creationism? I'm trying to give evidence for Genesis and against "vestigal legs" in whales and such...

Re: on another subject

Hm, not really an area I've done any significant keeping up with. Phillip Johnson is the only author I have any familiarity with in the area, but maybe that will lead down a path that yields some fruit.
I'm too messed up and confused to trust any advice I might have to give, so all I do have is this:

::HUGS!::

If I could make it a real one, I would. Sometimes, words just get in the way.
Thank you.
hmm. nice thinking. (sincereity/reality/truth.) rock on, brotha!
Keep on rockin' in the free world...
Banzai-

I'ma friend of Pinkroo's and an occasional visitor to Grace Seattle. I'm adding you as a friend. Your journal entries (this one included)are deeply honest and moving. I think the balance of what you are looking for is so much of whet we spend our whole lives looking for, and when we get it it feels as if we are trying to maintain..point being,in your selfless search for unselfishness, I hope you know that you are far from alone..
It helps to hear that; thank you. I'm adding you as well.

I'd love to meet you when/if you visit again!

See you around the city and LJ ;)

Of course!