• Mood: awake

Tea and sympathy

Whenever our right becomes the guiding factor of our lives, it dulls our spiritual insight. The greatest enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but good choices which are not quite good enough. The good is always the enemy of the best.

—Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (25 May,"The Good or The Best?")

Up early, which brings the hope of an end to my terrible moodiness. It's been pretty bad, with times when I can't feel much of anything but shades of anger or sadness. Can't do a lot about those emotions or the circumstances behind them (when I know them). And the things I can do—trust my Father and pray—I don't. No wonder I haven't been doing well.

So now I have my tea and a few moments of quiet. One of the worst parts of my foul disposition is the way it obscures the many things for which I may be grateful. The oratorio premier Sunday was fantastic. I was moved to tears by the beauty of the work. As I mentioned to pinkroo that night (nice to meet you!), if that oratorio isn't sung by the chorus of Heaven, I'll be very surprised.

The new apartment is something else for which I'm thankful (stresses and all), as well as my friends, with whom I've spent more time lately. I long for more connection in relationship than I've had recently—someone who gets me—but that's not in my control, and I need to take and appreciate what I have rather than only mourning what I don't.

I have three wedding invitations and a graduation announcement on my desk. There is much to be celebrated.

Memorial Day is coming, and I'm not sure how to remember you anymore.