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Being real and being myself

I think I've passed the point in my life when I'd want to be a thing (a professional, a husband, a leader, etc.). Nothing wrong with the roles, but there's nothing in taking those roles on as identities but definitions and excuses, and I don't need either as much as I used to.

Perhaps that makes me seem too directionless or unambitious for the success-oriented—my "ladder" vanished a long time ago, and "getting ahead" looks like an affluent delusion and idol.

Perhaps I might also seem too lacking in dreams or passion for the so-called visionaries, but that may be because I see reality as something to contend with rather than to run from.

Regardless, it's better for me to be myself than any of these things. Even if it's not better, it's still the truth—I am myself, and there's no point pretending otherwise. As John and I discussed yesterday, one of the frustrations in dealing with people is all the lying we do. I don't want come alongside anyone in their fake lives, only in their real ones. And it does me no good for anyone to support my own fakery.

Being real and dealing with the real seem to be important themes for me of late. I probably need to let that challenge me more, to transform and redeem the pockets of escape I perpetuate for myself. Because life is in the real, and it isn't anywhere else.


I've grappled with the whole career thing. I look around at my coworkers and I know they're making more than I am and I see them heading purposefully towards their next position and I think "I'm not aggressive enough ... I should be farther along here". But then I think "Why?" I make more than enough to pay my bills, more than enough to put away for future needs, and more than enough for the occasional toy. In fact, the "more than enough" part seems to be for my stewardship, not for my personal use.

It all seems to be a game of bigger house for the sake of bigness and newer car for the sake of newness. I've decided that the game isn't for me ... but sometimes it's easily forgotten.
Thank you for saying that. I have "more than enough" to provide for my needs and am consciously choosing not to grasp for that which won't last. However, the decision often leaves me feeling incompetent, lazy, or worthless. Knowing that there are others in the wide world who are choosing a life full of LIFE instead of STUFF is encouraging....
It's so hard to let go of those idols though. For myself, I had to be forced. It was rather a relief however. It's nice to know someone who has the same perspective that I now do.
Mmmm... I achieved my goal of being a nurse and a wife, and I want to be a mother. I think for me these roles are mostly identity. Of course, my most important and significant identity is being a child of God. I'm becoming more and more aware of how that affects my daily life, attitudes and thoughts. It's changing me. And that's good.
I guess I see these roles in my life as names. To my kids I am mom (and only to them). I am wife to my husband, daughter to my parents. I am teacher to many, even those I don't directly teach. To God, I am His child, and hope that's shown most on me to everyone. Just as God has different names, and since I want to be like Christ, I embrace my many names...all a part of me.