Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

  • Mood:

Getting it

Something I don't give much thought to, at least here, is romantic relationships. For whatever reason, I've been intermittently preoccupied with them during the past few days. No clear cause; just a noticing of couples everywhere—from the couple upstairs to lunching with a couple and likely couple-to-be today, to watching silly antics on High School Reunion (how's that for shallow, journeyto?). Many times, my sentiment is along the lines of, "I don't get it." But there are moments when I get it, when I see something in the companionship, whether it's brief or committed, that I find myself missing. I get why we sometimes settle for less than we deserve, or dive into situations that are unhealthy or destructive just for some hint or shadow or echo or hope of connection. I get why people hop into bed with each other, or make another person the center of their universe, or decide to commit to one another, or swear off on the whole thing.

My preoccupation doesn't change my circumstances or what the best things for me to do (and not do) are. It's been part of my moodiness, which is so far from seeking His Kingdom first that it's not even funny. I don't want to despise the gift of singleness I've been given in this season. But I get it, and maybe that's important.

Back to eating my dinner—I'm not in a bad mood; I'm just processing.
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