Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

  • Mood:

Easter's antithesis

I should be writing about a great day of celebration and joy. That's what they day was all about, and hopefully by tomorrow that's how I'll feel about it. For now, I'm just wiped out and puzzled by how I can spend an entire day with people who love me, who laugh with me, and come away feeling drained and alone.

How does anyone ever get this friendship thing figured out? My friends are dear, good people, yet most of them don't hear my soul at all. It's all jokes or business, nothing of heart. I don't know why I try or if I'm even trying. When I come away feeling like my efforts at normal relationships yield mediocre results, and when I know that my friendships on deeper heart levels have a tendency to end in spectacular failure and loss (and most have), why don't I simply follow the urge to withdraw and be a hermit that rises from my gut? I don't have as much of this fight left in me as I'd like. I'm almost done.

So much noise where I could use quiet; so much silence where I'd like to hear.

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