Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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The first thing I must be willing to admit when I begin to examine what controls and dominates me is that I am the one responsible for having yielded myself to whatever it may be. If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because somewhere in the past I yielded to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because at some point in my life I yielded myself to Him.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (14 March, "Yielding")

This lenten examination continues by God's grace. Even when I haven't been deliberate about it, He has been and brings my mind and heart round to the piercing question of whose I am. That's a question He's answered for me. I am His. The examination is nothing more or less than His way of reminding me of His answer and teaching me to live in it as my own. The distance on the path ahead does not seem so far, and His company along the way makes the travelling joyous.

How now, to yield to Him fully? A part of this is as simple and challenging as not yielding to anything else. Clearing the stumbling blocks and distractions leaves so many empty spaces, which can be fearful. What to do with the quiet, where the hushed voices in my life might again speak? There has to be Someone to trust if I am to take the risk.

And there is.

God woke me earlier than I'd planned today, earlier than is sensible without Him. But He changes what is sensible, and I was able to pray, more than I have in some time with just He and I. It felt like being myself.

Off to work and worship in a few moments, the usual Sunday gig. Since I was away for two Sundays a couple of weeks back, our intern covered most of my duties in my stead. His wife emailed me about their experience: "We were both so exhausted from trying to keep up with all you do, we had to go to sleep early! :) I am not sure how you do it every Sunday, thank you." My job is really a lot easier when you have a routine and all the little bits of info that are in my head, but I appreciated the gratitude nonetheless.

Smiling over nothing in particular. Looking forward to the day.

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