Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

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The well of my incompleteness

The reason some of us are such poor examples of Christianity is that we have failed to recognize that Christ is almighty. We have Christian attributes and experiences, but there is no abandonment or surrender to Jesus Christ. When we get into difficult circumstances, we impoverish His ministry by saying, "Of course, He can’t do anything about this." We struggle to reach the bottom of our own well, trying to get water for ourselves. Beware of sitting back, and saying, "It can’t be done." You will know it can be done if you will look to Jesus. The well of your incompleteness runs deep, but make the effort to look away from yourself and to look toward Him.

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (27 February, "The Impoverished Ministry of Jesus")


At the beginning of a weekend getaway with my Community Group (as well as Nate and Annette's) at Ocean Shores. The ocean fairly roars in the background, mighty and ever-present. While it doesn't intrude, it is there in a way that can't be forgotten and is matchless in power. Focusing on my well instead of His is much like being here yet concentrating on the inadequacy of a glass of water.

Someone called these "my peeps" earlier, and that's becoming more true by the day. Sensed Jeremy and Jenae as they arrived here, which is an interesting development. I smell a familiar scent in our house. These are my people. It's good to be here without work casting its shadow into the near future, just to let loose and be myself with these dear ones. Or at least, be the parts of me I can be with them and wonder what the road ahead might bring.

I am still private by choice in some respects. They won't know why I had to catch myself while searching through the CDs in the car on the ride down. They won't know what runs through my thoughts as I look out to the clouded half-mood and scattered stars in the night's seabreeze. They won't know what it's like to be among them yet hold part of my presence back. They won't know today. But maybe tomorrow, maybe some.

And all that remains just the silly glass of water in front of the ocean. I'm thankful for that— it makes the need to figure it all out simply vanish in the vastness of reality's true nature. He makes some of the hows and whys inconsequential. He overshadows and outshines. That frees me.
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