Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

  • Mood:

Points of departure

Leaving brings a strange mix of emotions. On the surface, I'm ready to get back to my city, my work, and my life. Just beneath, I'm on the verge of weeping with sobs that wrack my body and threaten not to end. Lately I've been into letting myself feel my feelings, whatever they may be, and pressing on in the way I know I should go. These emotions, however, will not, must not enjoy so loose a rein. I will let them out in private or not at all, lest they become a hole that consumes me. I want to be be strong and courageous, but I know some of my limits and I know what I am.

That being said, I'll miss my family and especially the little ones until I come again. Don't think I really considered how a visit like this might affect me, and thankfully everything happens in its time. What's bubbling underneath isn't about anyone I've been with this weekend. It's about me, my history, my losses and my choices. And there simply isn't any way I could explain, so it's a blessing that none of it hit me until now.

Writing helps, and I've got it together a lot more than when emotion just flooded in unbidden. There's nothing new here, after all; I'm just further on up the road, and in a different direction. Life is like that. I'll be OK.
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