Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Life carries on

I grieve for you
You leave me
Let it out and move on
Missing what’s gone
They say life carries on

Peter Gabriel, "I Grieve"

Readying for work, I sat for a moment while this song played. My shoes in my left hand and my right on the desk, I sang along, letting myself be lost in that moment, that space and time. It was a good moment.

I saw the brilliant colors of sunrise today. I saw the Cascades and the Olympics, walking in the morning air with my coat unbuttoned. I saw the towers of my city glint and gleam in the breaking light. It was a good morning.

Got a jump on some of my Monday tasks last night, which boosted the day. Helped John purchase a Sidekick, so now our whole staff is so equipped. That's very cool. Stayed focused and productive at the office. It was a good day.

With nothing on my schedule for tonight, I've been mostly a couch potato, taking in lots of Stargate SG-1, eating Chex mix and drinking Coke. Not the picture of healthy living, but rewarding in its own way. It is a good evening.

I'm afraid of my heart being overwhelmed, or hurt, or left empty. That's what God and I fight about; that's what makes me rebel or run. It skews my decisions and slants my relationships. Some kinds of risks come hard; some kinds of trust don't come often at all. And I hate what I can't do, the problems I can't fix, the help I can't give, the hope I can't bring. But He's freeing me in small, glorious, redemptive steps. His Spirit nudges me in new directions. The gospel is true, even as I learn to live and believe it. It is a good life.

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