Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

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A wonderful life

Sickness has contributed to writing less. Today was my day off and I could muster the energy for no good thing. Christmas shopping remains undone. Overwhelmed but not hopeless; everything will work out somehow.

Tonight I went to see Robin as Mary in It's A Wonderful Life at Meydenbauer Center in Bellevue. Neat to see community theatre again, especially one so geared to youth. There are things in me that affect how I see kids: I appreciate and enjoy them, yet I also imagine them as they grow older, and my visions are rarely ones of hope. That can't be right. I am too fatalistic.

Feel like I'm failing people all the time. Need to have peace with the fact that, even if that's true, it doesn't matter as much as I think it does. This was helpful to read in that regard. Even so, I have trouble remembering, pursuing Him, leaving my sin behind, risking on Christ. And I feel alone.

The goal of faithfulness is not that we will do work for God, but that He will be free to do His work through us. God calls us to His service and places tremendous responsibilities on us. He expects no complaining on our part and offers no explanation on His part. God wants to use us as He used His own Son.

—Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (18 December, "Test of Faithfulness")
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