The Banzai Chronicles

Always guard against self-chosen service for God. Self-sacrifice may be a disease that impairs your service. If God has made your cup sweet, drink it with grace; or even if He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him. If the providential will of God means a hard and difficult time for you, go through it. But never decide the place of your own martyrdom, as if to say, "I will only go to there, but no farther."

–Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (11 November, "The Supreme Climb")

Tired. It's been hard to rest. Even knowing my limits and His providence, I am restless. Knowing prayer is nearly all I can give should settle me more than it does. I'd love a nap before Community Group arrives at 19:00, but it is not to be.

God is so good to me, unimaginably so. If I only count the blessings I know, they are enough for me to praise Him. What of the things I do not know, on earth and in the heavens, and the things I could never begin to quantify– all that He has given and prepared in love?

Lunch with Jeremy today. He is a delight, growing in character and faith. On Sunday he brought me a videotape of Unbreakable. Just the reminder and comfort I needed. He loves me well without realizing it. It is a beacon of God's goodness to me, an example that helps me remember all I have lost or may lose is at best an echo and at worst a substitute for His rich blessing.

A trip to the grocery store showed telltale signs of Thanksgiving's approach. I am not ready.

My grip is looser now than it once was. My heart is complicated but thankful.